Long Road Home
by KaiaLuna
Summary: If you lose everything, build a new life and then lose everything worth living for can you imagine trying for a third life?  Without the promise of love or the peace of future death. What makes life worth living for an eternity?
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer – I do not own Twilight. All recognizable plot and characters belong to the talented Stephanie Meyer.**

**Please review!**

_Bella stared out over the horizon. The sun was rising turning the sky the most brilliant oranges and reds. It was beautiful. _

"_Bella?" A voice called from behind her._

_She turned to smile at the man, "Is it time then?"_

"_Time enough cher." His New Orleans accent was thick. He was slender but not thin or gangly, he had a tribal dragon tattoo on his arm and his abdominal muscles rippled as he pulled a white tee shirt on over his head._

_She nodded and stood; she wore four and a half inch ankle boots, distressed dark wash skinny jeans and a white tank. He handed her a black leather jacket before shrugging into his own._

_He held the door for her as they left the room and an arm shot out and grabbed Bella. The man gave a shout and two shots rang into the quiet of the early morning._

"Alice?" Esme's voice was concerned.

I gasped as I came out of the vision. I hadn't seen Bella for so long. I looked to my feet and saw I had dropped Esme's Swarovski crystal vase, beautiful fresh cut tulips and water splayed across the hardwood floors of our home, the broken crystal glittering like my skin in the sun.

"I'm so sorry Esme." I looked to my mother, unable to hide the distress in my voice.

"What is it Darlin? What did you see?" Jasper came over to me and pulled me into his arms. I had missed this. Missed him, but he wasn't the man he was before, the man I had made him into. He was theirs again, Peter and Charlotte's, a Whitlock and a human drinker. Still I took comfort in his strength. Breathing in his leather and gunpowder scent that for so long had made me feel safe, he thought I had saved him all those years ago in the diner but it was he who had saved me, the first person not to see me as a freak. He had given me strength and confidence, he had given me affection and companionship; things I had never felt before, even if he had never been able to give me the love we both so desperately craved. Before I had even met him, the visions of him had given me hope and made me feel safe. I remembered nothing of my past or this life I had woken to but the visions of Jasper had made me feel secure, I would be safe, I just had to wait for him and then we'd find the Cullen's. The visions had kept me sane and given me hope.

After a couple deep breaths I pulled away, a second or two was all the comfort I could allow myself to steal from his arms, he hadn't come back to me, he wasn't mine anymore. I had to be strong and confident on my own, also I wasn't alone in a world I didn't understand with nothing but darkness and burning to remember, now I had my own family, one I still marginally shared with him but one who loved me as I was just the same.

"Alice?" Esme's tone was concerned and I pulled my mind back to the terrible vision and shuddered.

"It was Bella." I told her. "She's in a hotel or something and… and…" I couldn't say it, I didn't want to face it, to have it be real, "she's with someone, they're leaving a room, it looks like a cheap hotel. He holds the door for her to pass through and someone grabs her then there is two shots…" I felt my voice catch in my throat as tears I'd never cry welled up in my eyes.

"Is she ok?" Esme looked stricken, she had never stopped loving Bella. None of us had. Leaving her had torn a fissure into our family and we had never fully healed.

"I don't know." I sobbed.

"Come on Darlin." Jasper led me over to the couch and I sat. "Just take a deep breath."

He was so good about my visions. He always took care of me after, understanding that while some came as easy as breathing, others took a lot out of me. I didn't need to breathe but the motion was soothing.

"Everything alright here?" Peter asked coming into the room with Charlotte. We had never really liked each other much. Some people just aren't meant to be friends but we had Jasper in common and it was enough that we quietly tolerated and respected each other.

"Alice?" Jasper questioned.

I took a deep breath and actively sought out a vision of Bella, something I had not done in a very long time.

_Bella laughed and swung her leg over the back of a motorcycle, pulling a helmet over her head and wrapping her arms around the man in front of her._

"_Hold tight cher." _

_The engine started with a roar and the bike sped out down the high way. After a bit the bike pulled over and the two pulled off their helmets, the man had dark brown hair and eyes, his grin was only the tiniest bit crooked from a scar on his upper right lip and he had a tribal dragon tattoo on his left arm. He leaned down and kissed her lightly before pulling off his jacket and reaching to take hers. He opened the seat of the bike and pulled out a bag that he handed to her, replacing it with the jackets. It was a slouchy black purse. She was wearing black stiletto ankle boots, distressed skinny jeans and a silver grey tank. He kissed her again lightly and wrapped an arm loosely around her._

"_Hungry cher?"_

_She shrugged, "Not overly."_

"_You ok?"_

_She looked into his eyes and smiled softly, sadness in her eyes "Just don't want to be here, doing this."_

"_Say the word and I'll turn us around."_

"_It's something I have to do though isn't it."_

"_Yeah." He agreed, holding the door to the diner open for her, "but I'm here for you cher."_

_She leaned up to kiss him as she passed, "Thanks Luc."_

The vision faded and Alice shook her head, "Luc. She's with a guy named Luc, he has some kind of tribal dragon tattoo on his arm and a New Orleans accent and she's going to do something she doesn't really want to or seems sad about anyways."

"New Orleans accent?" Esme asked.

"Cajun or Creole? Peter questioned.

I looked at him, I'd never been to New Orleans, only read about it or seen actors on TV, "I don't know, like that guy in that Criminal Minds show, you know Jasper?"

"Creole." He confirmed. "Did you see anything else?"

"They are on a motorcycle, they were stopping at a diner. Wait let me try for more."

_She was sitting at a bar; Luc had an arm on the small of her back._

"_Dance with me cher?"_

_She laughed, "I'm a terrible dancer."_

"_I just want to hold you in my arms a while." He swung back the contents of his glass and pulled her to her feet, "Come on." They moved into the crowd and began swaying to the music. "Let's always dance like there is no one but you and me to see."_

"_Ok." She breathed leaning into him. "Luc?"_

"_Yeah cher?"_

"_Thanks."_

"_For what?"_

"_Loving me."_

"_Well then thank you for the same thing and for letting me love you back."_

_She laughed softly._

I growled, "I can't see anything useful, just these little moments of her with the guy."

"Can you tell where she is? What hotel it is or when?" Esme had sat on the couch next to me now, concern still marring her features.

I shook my head; "The sun was rising in one and it was beautiful but the land is so nondescript, it could be anywhere. They were on a motorcycle in the other; a long stretch of interstate and they stopped at a diner that looks the same as all the ones I've seen in the United States. In the third they were in some bar that looked like every other bar, well no, it was not like a pub or a club but it had a bar, Bella wasn't drinking though and they were dancing to jazz music."

"What's going on?" Rosalie asked as she walked into the house followed by Carlisle, Emmett and Edward.

"Alice saw Bella." Esme told her quietly.

"What." Edward growled, "I told you to leave her alone."

"I can't help it!" I cried, "It just came and now I have to look, I have to stop it, she might die!"

Edward, Carlisle, Emmett and even Rosalie gasped in surprise, their expressions worried.

"How? Is it one of our kind?" Edward growled.

I shook my head, "They get attacked leaving some hotel."

"They?" Emmett asked.

I hesitate but Edward can read it in my mind and anyways, he left her.

"She's with a man." Jasper spoke up.

"If he hurts her." Edward growled again.

"He loves her." I glared at him, "I can see that in the visions if nothing else."

"Where are they? When does it happen? Can we get there in time? I can hack into phone logs and get her cell number, we could warn her." Emmett ignored the fierce and angry glare Edward was trying to burn me with.

I shook my head again, "I can't see anything useful."

"It's alright Alice." Esme comforted me, "It will come."

As though she had foresight of her own the prediction sent me into yet another vision of Bella.

_She lay in a hallway bleeding._

"_Luc?" Her voice sounded weak as she tried to staunch the blood flow. Sirens rang in the distance as her eyes fought not to close._

_Police and paramedics moved into the hall and one stopped to check Bella while another moved into the room. He came back out only a moment or two later to help the one with Bella. Luc was dead._

"_He's got a badge on him." A voice called from within the room, "New Orleans Detective Luc Jourdain."_

"_What they doing out here?"_

"_Vacation maybe?" The first voice questioned coming out of the room._

"_Any identification for the girl?"_

_A paramedic held out her hand bag, "We have to get her to the hospital or she's going to bleed out." They began to move Bella down the stairs while the cop pulled open her purse and looked into her wallet, "New Orleans license, Isabella, same last name as the man."_

"She's married." I whispered. "Oh god, she looked so bad, there was so much blood." I dry sobbed into Esme, Jasper's hand running in soothing circles over my back.

Edward was growling lowly. He might have left so Bella could have a normal life but faced with the knowledge that she had really moved on and married, he was not handling it well.

"Did you see anything more about where they were?" Carlisle finally spoke.

I shook my head in answer and clung to Esme, she clung back, sobbing as well.

"She's living out her life." Edward spoke, "We can't interfere." He growled, "I forbid you to look for her Alice."

A resounding smack was heard and I spun around to see Rosalie growling at him, she had slapped him hard across the face, a small fracture opening on his granite cheek.

"You brought her into our lives, made us love her and then abandon her, we are not just going to let her die because you are a jealous possessive little prick who can't stand that after over three years, she has moved on with her life."

Edward jumped at her but Emmett had him by the throat in the same instant, "Think about attacking my mate again and I will tear you apart _brother._" He hissed. "I am going to find my sister. Why I ever gave in and listened to your shit…" He shook his head, frustrated, angry, sad and scared. I didn't need to have Jasper's gift to read it all, I felt the same way, I had abandoned my sister and now her life was going to end far to soon and very painfully. She should have been one of us by now. She should have been happy, here with our family, safe and loved.

"Alice, you'll let us know if you see anything more?" Carlisle as usual was calm.

I nodded, "Of course."

"Esme I do believe we will be leaving rather quickly, will you help me close everything up here?"

"Of course dear." She hugged me one last time and rose to go to her mate, our patriarch.

"Edward, you may join us in finding Bella or take some time as you choose and we will inform you of our location when we have settled somewhere new." Carlisle nodded; it was always his way to give us a choice but his support as coven leader, as our father was towards finding Bella. I wondered if even he regretted his decision to support Edward's wish for us all to leave Bella alone.

"We have a few contacts down South and a house near New Orleans. If you have a last name we might be able to help." Peter offered.

"Jourdain. Luc and Bella Jourdain." I whispered.

He nodded, "I'll see what I can find."

"We'll find her sugar." Charlotte told me kindly.

I just hoped we found her alive and well. I hoped we found her before my visions became reality.

"Go feed Darlin. I can come with you if you want?"

"No, thank you Jazz, I think I'll go on my own." He nodded and disappeared upstairs. I knew he still felt responsible for us leaving her and would do all he could to help her. Jasper so rarely failed at anything, together my family and I would find her, I would see her safe and if she let me, change her so we might never be parted again.


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer – I do not own Twilight. All recognizable plot and characters belong to the talented Stephanie Meyer.**

**Please review!**

BPOV

I stood in the dying heat of the humid early summer day, the material of my black dress clinging to my skin. I put my hand on the stone slab. Why did everything good in my life always end so terribly?

First, I had lost my first love. He had grown bored with me and left me broken. Then my best friend, I'd wanted to love him but I couldn't. Not like that. I didn't have it in me to give then. He put the pieces of me back together but I wasn't ready to love someone. He hurt me when he left me, then I found out about the wolves and I hurt him. Paul, my angry lover. Jacob saw in his mind not two hours after one of our legendary screaming matches had turned into another kind of screaming match all together. It was just after Charlie had been killed. A nomadic vampire we later learned was a scout for Victoria. He forgave me for hurting him but our friendship never fully recovered. He knew I didn't love Paul, not like that, like he wanted me to love him, the forever kind of love. Paul and I were physical, we fought and we fucked and on some level we understood and supported each other, we were both damaged. Then Victoria came with her army and I buried Paul. I had loved him. It wasn't the same as I had loved Edward or as I loved Jacob, it was raw and physical but it was real. I hadn't fully understood until I'd held him in my arms while he died from the poisonous vampire venom, then I knew, we might not have been meant for forever but I'd have been happy with him, I'd have loved him well all the days of my life and been content in his love for me. It wasn't meant to be, I wasn't his imprint; we were not each others forever love and he died there in my arms tearing another piece away from my tattered heart and soul.

That was when I left Forks. I wanted to go somewhere that was nothing like Forks or Phoenix, somewhere that held no memories so I jumped on a bus going to New Orleans and never looked back. The first person I met there was Luc Jourdain; he was a detective with dark hair and dark eyes, which were haunted by the ugly of the world. He also had a sweet and sexy smile that quirked up a little further on the left because of a small scar on his right upper lip, it made him look mischievous, mysterious and so sexy. I found a job in a bar and Luc and I became friends and then lovers. Loving him was easy, it was so much different than Edward, Jake or Paul and yet it was like loving all of them in one person. He was so smooth and confident like Edward, so sweet, kind and laidback like Jacob and yet he was dark and intense like Paul at the same time. We'd sit and talk for hours, he'd take me for rides on the back of his motorcycle or we wouldn't speak at all, he'd come over and kiss me in that intense way, his eyes dark, haunted and yet on fire. I was surprised how quickly and easily I fell in love with him.

I moved into his place after only a couple months, it was after a homicide occurred two doors down from my building, he moved me in for a few days while they caught the guy and we just fell into living together. I had never lived with a man before. Well, my dad and then Sam and Emily after his death but Paul and I knew what we had would end, it was sex and friendship, one day he would imprint, would have imprinted, and I would have been happy for him.

Luc and I were out with his team when I found out I was pregnant. Luc asked me to marry him. I surprised myself when I said yes. I had never thought of myself as the marriage type but I loved him and I was sure our life would be a good one. I quit the bar and took a part time job at a coffee shop. Luc still worked crazy hours with the homicide department but I wouldn't change him for anything.

We had a small ceremony with a few friends from the bar and his team at the precinct and then we all went out for dinner, it was simple and sweet and exactly what I wanted. I was just over three months pregnant and two months married when I got the call that my mother had died. We'd only spoken twice since Charlie's death.

Luc took the time from work and we took his motorcycle to Texas where she and Phil had apparently moved when he was offered a decent coaching job for a team there. He was better at it than playing I guess because now he was assistant coach for the Texas Rangers and he had been strictly minor league as a player.

We took our time on the ride out and spent a weekend for the funeral and to help him sort out her affairs. He'd had her cremated like she'd wanted.

It was on the way back that my world fell apart again.

When it rained it poured.

Within a year and a half my first love left me, my father was murdered and then my first lover was killed taking out the psychotic bitch trying to kill me. Two years after that and within a couple weeks, I lost my mother, my new husband and the worst thing of all, my unborn child.

I don't know how long I was there but at some point I'd dropped to the ground, tears streaming down my face, my hand still resting on the sun warmed stone of Luc's grave. Remy found me there, lifting me into his arms and carrying me out of the graveyard. I buried my face into his neck and cried. I had been crying since I had woken up in the hospital a week agio and been told my husband and unborn child were dead. They all acted like I should be grateful to be alive. I wasn't. I wanted to be in Luc's arms, dancing slowly to old jazz and dreaming about our baby.


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer – I do not own Twilight. All recognizable plot and characters belong to the talented Stephanie Meyer.**

**Please review!**

CPOV

I smiled at the man coming out of the apartment I knew my daughter lived in, this must be Luc, the tribal dragon tattoo on his arm was just like Alice had described. We weren't to late. I could warn Bella. Keep her safe. She didn't have to die.

"Hello." I smiled at him, "You must be Luc Jourdain. I'm an old friend of your wife, is she home?"

"Remy." He answered. "I'm Remy Jones." He looked away a moment, "I um, well I guess you didn't hear." He shuffled his feet and my stomach dropped. My still heart felt like a hot lance had pierced it. "Luc, he uh, he was killed two weeks ago, at a motel up in Alexandria."

"Isabella?" I asked, not daring to breathe.

"Bell?" He gave me a sad smile, "Poor angel's alive but she didn't stick around. The minute they let her out of the hospital she went to the grave. I took her to my house for the night but she was on the road as soon as the sun rose, just couldn't stand to be here after." He swallowed back tears, "We'd of taken care of her but losing Luc and the baby like that, well I just don't know how she's handling it."

"Baby?" I wanted to rage and scream at the injustice, we had been to late, we had hoped Alice's vision had been far in the future but it had to have been the very day of the vision or very near to it.

"Bell, she was three and half months pregnant. Doctor say she can't have no more babies. The knife did a real number on her insides."

"Knife?" Alice had heard gunfire.

"Yes sir." Remy nodded, "Luc would have got them if it's all they had but soon as he opened the door for Bell, one grabbed her, least ways that's what we figure, she had a cut on her neck, shallow, like they were holding her. Luc was shot twice. Bell fought and they stabbed her in her gut. Not real sure the reasons but the police down there figure it was robbery gone bad. Maybe they think Bell's alone and when they realized she weren't they shot Luc. Best theory they got now anyways. Lady in a room down the hall heard the shots and called the police. The guys up there figure it was two men but have no leads yet."

"Do you know how I can reach Bella now?"

I saw him eyeing me over more suspiciously, "How you say you know Bell?" His accent was more Cajun than Creole, I wondered if Alice had been wrong or if Luc and this Remy came from different backgrounds. I figured the matching tattoo meant they were brothers but maybe it was a cop thing. It didn't matter really. MY vast mind was just focusing on unimportant details as I tried not to think of Bella and all she had suffered because we were not there for her, because I had not taken care of my daughter.

"Oh, forgive me," I smiled gently at him, trying to put him at ease, "I'm Dr. Carlisle Cullen. Bella was very close with my family while she lived in Forks." She was our family and we had abandoned her, lefy her to face the cruelty of the world alone. I would never forgive myself.

A corner of his mouth quirked up, "Yeah, Bell would make friends with a doctors family. Girl can walk in them high to the sky shoes but some days she still trips walking on a flat dry surface in bare feet and has herself a tendency to walk her shoulder into door frames and poles to when she's paying attention to something besides just walking."

"Yes." I smiled at the memories of her coordination difficulties as well. The memories were bitter sweet. I should have been there to patch her up, I should have been there to take care of her.

"Well, sorry I can't help you find her but I best be heading on to the station or I'll be late." He turned and locked the apartment door.

"Do you have any idea where she went."

"Sorry. Even if I did, well, these days you can't be to careful."

"Of course."

"Well, I can tell you that Bell, she don't plan on coming back." He told me.

"Thank you for your time." I followed him out of the building; I'd come back later to check her apartment for any clues to where she might have headed.

When I went back a couple hours later I found the place was emptied of everything but furniture and smelled clean. Remy must have emptied what was left and already put it in his car before I'd gotten there, probably just gone back for one last look around and to lock the door.

I ran back to Peter and Charlotte's home, where they were so graciously putting us up.

"Well?" Esme hurried to me as soon as I opened the door, "Did you see her? Did she see you? Is she ok?"

Alice came into the house looking drawn, "He didn't see her."

"Did you have another vision?" I asked her.

She shook her head, "Not of Bella. I saw you talking to a man, he had the same tattoo as Luc, different accent though."

"His name is Remy." I confirmed, "It seems that Alice's vision occurred right before the event itself. The police believe it was a robbery gone bad."

"Is Bella," Esme hesitated venom in her eyes and I wrapped her in my arms.

"Alive. She's alive." I comforted my mate.

"Where?" Rosalie asked.

"I don't know. The man I spoke with said he didn't know but admitted that if he did he wouldn't tell someone who'd just turned up randomly looking for her."

"What is it Carlisle?" Jasper asked no doubt reading my emotions.

"Bella," it hurt to even think how my daughter would be suffering, "she was pregnant."

"Oh no." Esme clung to me sobbing. "My poor Bella."

"She'll have another." Rosalie rocked herself, "She's alive and she'll heal and she'll have another."

"Carlisle?" Jasper read my emotions again.

I swallowed the tightness in my throat, "She can't." I told them. "The damage they did when they stabbed her… I can try to look at her medical records but the doctor who treated her claimed she couldn't have children."

Rosalie was sobbing and rocking, "She was supposed to live a normal life and get married and have babies. She was supposed to have a good life. We were the wrong choice, the dangerous choice, the one that took away babies." Emmett just pulled her into his arms and held her, rocking her gently as she sobbed brokenly.

It took a long time for both Esme and Rosalie to calm down, even with Jaspers influence.

Over the next couple of weeks we searched for any sign of Bella but with all our money, all our resources and all our gifts, we could not find her. I had failed my daughter again. She was suffering and alone. I had done this to her. In those days, I hated myself more than I ever had before. Once I had hated what I was but now I hated who I was, not because I had become something evil but because I had done something, so horrible, as abandoning a girl I had loved as my own child. Life was hard and painful. I had lived long enough to know the world was not often kind and still I had left her to suffer the cruelty of fate, alone.


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer – I do not own Twilight. All recognizable plot and characters belong to the talented Stephanie Meyer.**

**Please review!**

BPOV

It had been six months since I had lost my husband and child; I was working in a small town in Maine. After I had left Forks, I wanted a place the opposite of everything Forks and La Push were, I had found a new life in New Orleans. After leaving there, I wanted the opposite of it. I couldn't be anywhere that reminded me of Luc. I ended up in a tiny town in Maine with less than a thousand residents called Winter Harbor. I worked at a small family owned inn where room and board were included with some spending money as pay.

I had rented a room and the older lady who ran the place had sat with me over tea after I'd broken down when her granddaughter came over to me and asked if I had any kids for her to play with during my stay. Emma had come over and hugged me, shooing her granddaughter out to the garden and I'd explained everything to her. She'd offered me a place to stay for a while and a job. I suppose the place was a lot like Forks in the way that all small towns are alike but it felt different to me to. It was far enough from both places, both sets of tragic memories.

I was just finished doing some baking when I heard the bell on the door ring and went to welcome the new guests Emma had said we were expecting. My heart stopped the moment I saw who it was.

"Bella?" Esme gasped.

Carlisle turned from the shelves he was examining at her exclamation. "Bella." He stepped forward and then seemed to catch himself. He swallowed and I could see venom pooling in his eyes as they were in Esme's.

Neither of them seemed capable of saying more than my name, they just stood preternaturally still.

"Welcome to Emma's." I stepped to the desk fighting back the swell of emotions and flipped open the reservation book, everything was done by hand, "I don't see a Cullen reservation but we do have rooms available."

Carlisle seemed to recover first. "It would be booked under McCarty, a gift from my son." His voice seemed to shake.

"Yes, we were expecting a McCarty." I forced a smiled and looked back up at him, "You're here for three days?" He nodded.

"Bella," Esme's voice sounded desolate.

I looked over to her, "It's beautiful here. You'll enjoy the garden." I smiled sadly at her. "It's almost as beautiful as yours."

"Thank you."

"You've been well? All of you?"

She nodded, "Mostly."

"Mostly?" My heart began to beat a little faster.

"Perhaps we could speak over coffee?" Carlisle suggested.

"Right." I sent him a wry smile and he sent one back. I bit my lower lip but nodded, "Let me just get you checked in. We can take a walk. I'll show you the gardens." I willed myself not to cry.

"That would be lovely." Esme spoke, her voice gentle and low.

I handed them the form to fill out and took Carlisle's credit card. Once the official things had been taken care of, I had calmed myself a little.

"I'll show you to your room." Carlisle picked up their bag and I led them to the suite they had reserved. "Once you are settled in just come downstairs and I'll take a break. I just need to speak with Emma. Let her know I'm going."

"Of course." Carlisle nodded. Esme was wringing her hands. I wanted to hug her; instead, I turned and walked out of the room.

I hurried to the laundry room where Emma was ironing, "The guests arrived."

"Oh good, did you take them upstairs? Did they need anything?"

"Yes and no."

"Do they seem like a nice couple?"

"Very." I hesitated. "I know them."

She turned, surprised, "They're from New Orleans?"

I shook my head, "Forks, from before I moved to New Orleans. Do you mind if I take off for a bit? I offered to show them the gardens but" I blinked back tears, "there is a lot of history there and a lot of catching up I think."

"Of course dear. It's so quiet during the week. You go on and go, you work more than anyone."

"All the baking is done, it's just cooling."

"Such a good girl. Go on now, take the day off, god knows I owe you several you are always here helping out." Emma hugged me and then gently pushed me out the door. I went back upstairs and took a few deep breaths.

Carlisle and Esme were already in the reception area waiting for me.

I sent them a small smile, "This way." I led them out through the back and off the porch where we wandered the garden. It was some time before either of them spoke.

"I'm so sorry Bella."

"Carlisle?"

"For leaving." Esme said sadly.

"You were respecting your son's wishes, I can understand that."

"You're our daughter to." Esme's eyes filled with venom and her voice shook, "We should have stayed with you."

I took a breath but wasn't sure what to say, a part of me was angry with them but anger took so much energy. I just didn't have it in me. I was too sad. Life was to short for grudges. They had left me, I had loved them and they had broken me when they left but it had been nothing, a paper cut compared to the soul deep pain of losing my husband and child. What could I possibly say to them? They had hurt me but it was long ago, I wasn't that girl anymore. It just wasn't in me to hate them. I'd have chosen my child too and Edward had been theirs for a century, my baby hadn't even been born yet. "How are the others?" I asked instead.

"Mostly every one is good." She smiled sadly at me again.

"There's that mostly again." I teased lightly, though I couldn't keep the sadness from my voice.

"Jasper left us a month after we left Forks, he returned to his coven."

"I didn't know he had one." I breathed, my heart twisted with guilt, it was my fault he had left, he'd blamed himself, I knew he had and hated it. It wasn't his fault, it wasn't any of their faults. Except Edward. He had been looking for a reason to leave. They had loved me but whatever their reasons they had left. They had chosen Edward. It hurt but I couldn't blame them for it. I would have chosen Luc and our baby. Maybe I would even have chosen Paul. Who knew? I wasn't the girl I was when I was with Edward, I wasn't the girl I was with Paul, not even the woman Luc had married. Loving each of them, losing each of them, it had all changed me. I just wasn't the same person anymore.

"Yes." Carlisle smiled sadly, "He had left them to wander a bit when he met Alice and then joined us. They remained close over the years but it was difficult for him to spend any extended time with them while trying to maintain our diet."

"Is he not anymore?" I wasn't sure if I was asking if he wasn't struggling or just wasn't trying.

"He's mixing his diet." Esme informed me. "He kills criminals and the already dying." It seemed as though she was justifying his actions, if to herself or me I wasn't sure.

"As long as he's happy." I told her honestly. I wanted Jasper to be happy. He deserved it. He was a good man. He'd always been a good man and his words at the hotel, so honest and filled with emotion had carried me through, had helped me be strong even when I felt like dying because I wanted to blame myself for all of their pain. So much suffering and death, all because they loved me, my father and Paul, Luc and our baby, a part of me thought it was my fault, they died because they loved me and I wasn't worth it. Then I would hear Jasper's voice whispering in my ear that I was worth it. We knew so little about each other but his words touched my soul in a way few others had. He believed I was worth it, he wouldn't want me to blame myself. I knew he was worth it to and I hated that he blamed himself. Jasper was a good man. He deserved to know someone believed in him, that even now I would not be afraid of him because he was good and beautiful and strong.

"He is or I believe he is." Carlisle nodded. I was glad. I wanted Jasper to be happy. I wanted all of them to be happy. Part of me still loved all of them so much.

"Alice? Has she changed her diet as well?"

Esme looked away as fresh tears filled her eyes.

"Jasper and Alice parted ways when he returned to his own coven." Carlisle informed me. I felt another twist of guilt; I had ruined their relationship. "She spends her time pretty evenly between us and Paris."

"Is she happy?"

"She is not as she used to be but yes she is happy." Carlisle told me, wrapping an arm around Esme in comfort.

"Is it because of Jasper leaving her?" what I really meant was, was it because I had wrecked her life. I had torn apart their family. I made Jasper doubt himself and he had left her. He hadn't made Edward leave, Edward was looking for an excuse, but had I made him leave Alice? Had I stolen her heart from her, caused her the pain Edward had caused me? She had been with Jasper for decades, how much more would it hurt than it did after only the months I had spent with Edward? At least she still had the family. They hadn't left her like they'd left me. Had they left Jasper? Not physically but emotionally maybe. Had they blamed him because I had bled and hurt him? I shouldn't have even been there. It was selfish. I had known it was hard for him. I took away his safe place, his haven away from the blood lust and then I had bled there. Poor Jasper, all that blood lust feeding into him, fueling his own. It wasn't his fault; it had never been his fault. I'd bet he had better control than any of them or he would without suffering theirs on top of is own.

"No." Carlisle smiled at me, reassuring me. "They are still quite close. Jasper has become more at ease with himself, he is not the man she wanted to make him into and they are not true mates but they still love each other. Alice, she came to see that her visions were fallible, more so than she believed, not in just that the future could change with people's decisions but she learned that she could not ensure things she saw happening that were good nor always prevent them when they were bad."

"Rosalie and Emmett are living with us." Esme spoke up.

"Still together and the same?"

Esme looked away again, "None of us are the same." She whispered.

"Change does not always come easy to our kind but when it comes it tends to affect us quite thoroughly." Carlisle added just as quietly.

"I'm sorry I tore your family apart." I bit back tears, "I never meant to. I never blamed Jasper, I never" wanted you to leave, but I couldn't say the words. Esme smothered me into a hug at that point anyways.

"You didn't tear our family apart." She insisted, "We did." She was sobbing again, "The moment we left our daughter we tore our family apart."

I hugged her back, crying. Did she really feel that way? Did she think of me as a daughter, as I had thought of her as a mother? Why did she leave if she loved me? Could I blame her for choosing her son of a century over a human girl in her life for only a few months? Could she love me and still have left me? I loved Jake and left him. I left all the pack. I couldn't be there, not after Paul but it wasn't the same. Sam and Emily had taken me in after Charlie's death. They had loved me like a little sister and taken care of me but I had left them. I only spoke to them sometimes but they understood. It was too hard. Everything about La Push reminded me of Paul, my angry warrior lover and every where in Forks I saw Charlie, my quiet, supportive, loving father. It wasn't the same and I didn't understand but I couldn't really blame them. I'd have left Charlie for Edward back then. Stupid girl. I had been a stupid girl. I would have made Charlie feel this pain. No one should ever know what it was to lose a child. Esme should never have known it. She had lost a baby once. How could anyone expect her to go against her son? Even for a human girl she wanted to love like a daughter. She was a good woman put in a horrible position. Edward had done that. Made her choose. It wasn't her fault. Esme had suffered enough. After a moment, I pulled away, wiping at my eyes. "How are you? The two of you?" I sent them a small smile.

"Carlisle works to hard, apparently we both do, that's why Emmett and Rosalie booked us this trip. We thought it was for them because they used McCarty when we heard them planning but it was for us. We've been to three other towns and have one more. It's been nice. I've been antiquing and the ocean air is so nice." Esme seemed to ramble as she visibly pulled herself together.

"Where are you living now?"

"Canada." She smiled at me. "I think you'd like our home there."

"I'm sure I would. You have impeccable taste."

We sat on a bench looking over the water.

"How are you Bella?" Esme asked quietly.

I shrugged and smiled and tried not to cry. "Alright, I suppose. I turned twenty two last week." I wasn't alright. How could I ever be alright again. My baby was gone, stolen from me before I ever even had her. My husband had died three feet from me. I would never see him smile, hear him laugh or dance with him ever again. I wish he had left me like Edward had. I wish Paul had imprinted. It would have been better. So much better for them to just not have loved me anymore but they had loved me, they hadn't chosen to leave me, they'd died. They were truly gone

"I know." Esme smiled, "Happy Birthday."

We were silent a moment longer and then I wasn't sure what made me speak. "You haven't asked about the ring."

Sadness seemed to wrack Esme's entire body as she looked at me but it was Carlisle who spoke, the pain in his voice as noticeable as it was in Esme's slender form. "Alice had a vision." His voice cracked. "We tried to find you but the vision gave her no warning. You had just left New Orleans when we tracked you there. None of us were able to find you after that, though we still have someone looking."

"I'm here." I told him, pointlessly. They had looked for me, tried to save my husband and child. It meant more than I would have thought and I fought fresh tears. They hadn't just forgotten me.

"You are." Esme sobbed, leaning into Carlisle.

I wiped at my own tears, I had to know, "Did she see Charlie? Paul? My mother? Was it only Luc? Did she only see me lose him?" I couldn't stop the flood of tears. Why hadn't she stopped any of it? Had she not seen? Why would she see this and not them?

"We learned of your parents deaths while looking for you. Alice never saw it. She never looked for you. Edward made her swear not to. They fought for a long time about it but he told us he promised you that we would stay away and let you live out your own life without our interference. He told us it was what you wanted, for us to just let you move on and heal from us. This vision just hit her, perhaps because it was your life in danger. We didn't mean to try to interfere in your life but we thought you were going to die. We just wanted to protect you. To save your life."

"I'm still alive." A trace of bitterness laced the pain in my voice.

We sat in silence for a long time and then I got up and walked inside. I went to my room, curled up on my bed and cried. Edward had made them all leave, told them it was what I wanted. How could he have hurt me like that? Hurt them like that? Why?


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer – I do not own Twilight. All recognizable plot and characters belong to the talented Stephanie Meyer.**

**Please review!**

APOV

I flicked through my closet not really seeing the clothes; I just couldn't bring myself to care much. For the last six months, I had been unable to care much about anything. I stayed with Carlisle and Esme for two months but we couldn't find Bella, I needed to escape, I couldn't be there anymore, I felt like such a failure, they counted on me to watch out for the family but I couldn't. Why did I have visions if I couldn't protect the people I loved? I couldn't face them, their continuing pain was my fault, I couldn't see anything useful, I couldn't find my sister, so I jumped on a flight to Paris, I didn't deserve their compassion, I had failed them, failed my best friend, my sister. I loved this city but I ached for my sister. She needed me. She had needed me so much these last few years and I hadn't been there, I hadn't even been watching out for her. At first, I had been sure Edward would go back to her but he hadn't. I couldn't understand it. He loved her. I knew he loved her. We used to be so close, then he left Bella. We fought so much after that and then he left to track Victoria. We've never been the same. I felt bad about it but I missed Bella. I'd never had a friend like her before. Rosalie was my sister but it wasn't the same. She and Bella were different. I loved them both. I wanted them both in my life and happy. I should be able to ensure their happiness. I saw the fucking future how could I not have made their lives better, made sure they were happy? Poor Bella. She had suffered so much and so much of it was because of us. Jasper had warned us, he'd said we needed to track down and take out Victoria, keep an eye on Laurent to but we hadn't. I hadn't. Bella had lost her father because of it. The dogs had saved Bella though, first with Laurent and then with Victoria, they had lost two of their own, but killed Victoria and her newborns. I had failed my sister. I should have seen she needed me. Why hadn't I seen any of it? I had promised Edward not to look, not to interfere. It was what Bella wanted. A clean break. Seeing us would hurt her. We were a danger to her. We only brought more trouble to her, like James. Even I was a danger to her with Jasper. It wasn't his fault. He wasn't that monster he used to be. He'd never be that again but the diet was so hard for him. It was selfish of me to always want her around. I had hurt him so much. Why hadn't I seen what would happen on her birthday? She hadn't even wanted a party I was just so excited. My sister was eighteen. She was best friend, how could I not be happy about her having been born? It was my fault. All of it was my fault. I should have seen. What good am I to any of my family if I don't see things to protect them? What good is a vision if I can't change it or even make sure it happened? Bella should have been safe, she should have been one of us, I had seen it. How had everything changed so much? What had I missed?

I pulled out a dress and gasped as my closet was replaced with a vision.

_She was smiling sadly, "Everything happens for a reason Carlisle. I wouldn't change having met and loved either my husband or Paul and if things hadn't happened the way they did I might not have had the chance to know or love them. I might have been one of you and while I used to think all I wanted was to be by Edward's side, I've grown up, I've learned a lot about myself and I want more than just belonging to someone else. I grew up always taking care of others, Edward and your family taught me to let others take care of me, Paul taught me to take care of myself. With Luc," Her voice broke painfully, "with Luc I learned what love should be, a partnership. He was my companion, my friend, my lover, my supporter and I was all of those things for him. He took care of me and he let me take care of him. Even if we only had each other for a short time, I'm glad I had that love with him, no matter how painful it is now."_

_Carlisle reached over and hugged Bella, "I'm still sorry we were not there for you. That we left you with a threat like Victoria, that we weren't able to comfort you or protect you from so much pain."_

"_I'm sorry your family is broken because of me."_

"_No." He pulled back, "Our family is not broken, a little different but the love is still there and the damage is of our own making. We left you. We brought you into our family and then left you, it was a decision that damaged all of us, but it was us who caused that damage, we hurt ourselves and you and it is I who is sorry."_

_Bella hugged him to her, "We can't change the past and I don't know that I want to, not if it meant the good things not happening. All we can do is move forward. I forgive you if you forgive me."_

"_There is nothing to forgive." He assured her, pausing before continuing, "In this move forward, do you think you might consider coming home? Or at least allowing the family to know where you are, to visit you sometimes."_

"_Home?" She asked him frowning delicately._

"_To live with us. Esme and I, sometimes the others when they come, Rose and Emmett are there now, I don't know when the others might return, I imagine they will all return as soon as they hear we've brought you home."_

_She swallowed back the lump in her throat, tears gathering in her eyes, "You want me? You want me to come live with you?"_

"_Very much." Carlisle assured her._

_She gave him a watery smile but it faded just as quickly, "I can't go back to the past Carlisle."_

_His face fell, "Of course."_

_She reached out and took his hand, "What I mean is, I'm not the same girl I was, I can't, I don't love him anymore. I suppose a part of me does, it always will but Edward and I, that will never happen."_

"_I understand. I never expected, I mean, Edward isn't often with us anymore. For a long time he was on his own, now he is in Denali. He checks in and visits but" Carlisle sent her a small smile, "We, none of us, expect things to be the way they were." It grew a little as he continued, "I think some even hope they won't be." At her confused look he chuckled, "Rosalie has missed you more than even she would have guessed and not just because your absence made her husband sad."_

_She smiled, "Ok. As long as we are on the same page."_

_He looked a little stunned and cautious as he spoke next, "You'll come home with Esme and I?"_

_She nodded and he pulled her into a tight hug._

I came back to the view of my closet and dropped to the ground sobbing. Carlisle had found Bella and he was bringing her home. My sister was coming home. I needed her to forgive me. I needed her to know I had thought of her everyday and that I loved her. I had to tell her how sorry I was for failing her, for not getting to her in time to save her family, for not seeing, for not stopping her pain.

Three hours later and I was at the Paris airport ready to fly to our home in Canada. I felt some of my old excitement coming back to me as I picked up my first class ticket.

I flicked open my cell phone and called Jasper.

"Ali." He answered.

"Jazz." I practically squealed into the phone. "You need to pack your things and go to the Canada house."

"What's going on? You are far to happy for there to be something wrong." He read the excitement in my tone, which was so like it was before we had left Forks.

"Carlisle found Bella and he's bringing her home."

His voice came back hesitant. "I don't know that she'd want to see me."

"Jazz…" My voice tapered off as a vision swam before my eyes.

_Her hand reached out and touched his cheek, her voice soft, "There is nothing for you to be sorry for. It was never your fault."_

The vision shifted but it was so similar, Bella and a tortured looking Jasper…

"_I'm so sorry Darlin."_

_Her delicate hand reached out to lie over his jaw, "It wasn't your fault."_

A third vision again so similar to the last two, Bella and Jasper looking into each other's eyes…

"_I'm sorry."_

_She reached out, her fingers tracing his cheekbone, "There is nothing to forgive."_

"Ali?" Jasper's voice came to me over the phone, still held to my ear. I blinked to clear my mind of the visions. Each image was so similar and yet each seemed more intimate than the last.

"I think you should come Jasper." My voice had lost all its previous excitement, not because of the vision itself but because I was no longer so confident in them, I hoped these were true and I hoped that what I thought they meant was true and that it happened but I wouldn't interfere. I couldn't try to make it happen or everything might change. I had tried to make what I saw happen in Forks come true, Bella a vampire, living with us, my best friend and sister. I had failed. It had never come to be. I had ruined everything trying to make it all come true.

"Ali?"

"I wont say either way you decide but I think you should come." I told him. Please come Jazz. I silently pleaded. Please, please, please come. It will be good for you both. You need to know from her it wasn't your fault. She is to good to ever have blamed you. You'll care about each other. I was sure it was what the vision meant. Maybe even love each other. Please, please come. My thoughts went off into a whirlwind. Had I been wrong all along? Could Bella be Jasper's mate and not Edwards? Was I blind to it then because I loved Jasper, because I was with him and Edward was single? Edward was attracted to her, he couldn't read her, she was his singer. I was sure it and the vision of her with our family meant she was his mate. Had my encouraging their relationship been what ruined the vision of her with our family, with her as my best friend and sister forever? What had I done? Or was I wrong now? Were they only friends? Would Bella even become a vampire now? I wanted her to, so much, maybe I was seeing things not there because of it. I couldn't interfere.

My thoughts were broken into by a voice over the phone, "Hey Major is that the Pixie?" I heard Peter calling from a distance to Jasper. He must have run up at Jasper's silent affirmative answer because his voice sounded closer when he spoke again, "Ask her if there is something going on with the Cullen's. I think we are supposed to go there soon."

I laughed as I pictured Jasper rolling his eyes, "Ok Eight Ball and Yoda have spoken, I guess I'm booking a flight to Canada."

"Are Charlotte and Peter coming? I'll make the rooms ready."

"See you soon Pixie." Peter called, his voice getting distant again.

"I guess we'll be seeing you then Ali."

"Don't worry Jazz. I think everything is going to be ok."

"Still wouldn't bet against you Darlin." He told me, making me smile. The thing was that now _**I would **_bet against me.

"See you soon then."

"When do you get in?"

I sought out my vision and saw him arriving at the house with Peter and Charlotte, I continued to look and saw Carlisle return with Esme and Bella.

"I get in a day before you and Bella arrives with Carlisle and Esme two days after that."

"You calling Edward?"

I hesitated; I hadn't spoken to Edward since he had ordered me not to look for Bella in New Orleans, "No. If he wanted to speak with her he could have stayed to help us look for her or gone back to her anytime over the last four years. If she wants to talk to him that will be her choice. She can call him."

"I agree."

"I have to board now."

"Have a good flight Ali."

"See you in 37 hours."

He laughed, "And how many minutes?"

I giggled, "eighteen."

"See you then."

"Bye." I hung up the phone and boarded the plane. I shut my eyes and searched for visions of Bella.


	6. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer – I do not own Twilight. All recognizable plot and characters belong to the talented Stephanie Meyer.**

**Please review!**

**A/N - I had a review for the last chapter I couldn't reply to so am answering the question here. No. Bella has not told the Cullen's what Edward said to her when he left. She hasn't really talked to them much about their leaving four years ago. She sees their pain and joy at seeing her and is happy to see them, to not be alone in the darkness that remains after losing Luc and her daughter. Carlisle and Esme were parents to her and right now she is just tired and sad and while she is still hurt by what happened she put it behind her long ago and is relieved to sink into the comfort and love they are offering. What she is going through is impossibly hard and dealing with the betrayal of Edward four years ago is just to much for her now. That is not to say they will not learn of it or that she will not express her pain and anger eventually, who knows. Well I do but wait and read. lol. Thanks for the review. **

BPOV

I sank into the buttery leather of Carlisle's Mercedes. The flight had been short but the crying baby had been hard for me. Babies were hard for me. My own would have been born sometime right around now. In my dreams, I'd see Luc dancing to soft jazz with our baby girl in his arms, her hair was soft brown like mine, her eyes dark as his, he'd be humming gently as he rocked her and look over at me with that slightly crooked smile and say 'Come dance with me cher. I just want to hold you a while'. I always woke up crying from these dreams. I hadn't even known she'd been a girl until the doctor had told me I'd lost my daughter in the attack. Remy, Luc's best friend, fellow detective and foster brother had held me while I'd cried for hours over my sweet little girl who I would never get the joy of meeting.

"Did you tell Emmett and Rosalie I was coming?"

"Yes. They are both very excited." Esme smiled back at me. "Are you feeling alright after the flight? Would you like to stop and eat somewhere? The house is three hours outside Toronto."

"I'm fine for now thank you Esme."

As usual with a vampire driving, the three-hour drive was complete in just under two and a half.

"Oh." Esme's happy exclamation startled me into looking up and out the windshield to see the beautiful mansion nestled into the surrounding woods.

"What?"

"We have visitors." She smiled back at me, "That's Jasper's truck."

The anxiety her first three words caused was eased by her second. It would be nice to see Jasper.

"His control will not be an issue Bella, nor will his coven's if they are with him."

"I'm sure it won't." I agreed with Carlisle easily.

"Alice!" Esme gasped, everything about her exuding happiness.

I looked back to the mansion as saw the tiny shape of my best friend on the front steps.

Carlisle pulled to a stop and I slowly got out of the car. Alice was standing in front of me in an instant but stopped a foot short seeming to hesitate.

"I'm so sorry Bella." Her golden eyes welled with tears, "I should have been watching out for you. I should never have left you."

I hugged her, breathing in her sweet scent, still so familiar after almost four years. "Alice." I breathed. "I missed you."

"I missed you to. So much." She was shaking and I knew she was sobbing so I gently rubbed her back as I held her.

Finally, she stepped away, venom still in her eyes and one hand still holding mine, "As soon as I had the vision that Carlisle had found you and was bringing you home I got on a flight. I saw it and I still can't believe you're here with us."

"Still can't quite believe it myself." I told her honestly.

"Bella." I turned to see Emmett waiting, watching me with sad eyes, his arms twitched and as soon as I smiled at him they opened. I flung myself at him and he laughed, lifting me in a bear hug that only Emmett could really give.

Finally, he set me on my feet, "I missed you so much. I'll never leave you again. I hacked into every system I could think of the last six months. I can't believe we found you by accident."

"I missed you to Bear. So very much." I hugged him again.

"Bella?" At the tentative, almost shy voice, I turned to see Rosalie, venom in her eyes. If any doubt about Esme's words existed about Rosalie missing me, they went out the window as I looked at her now.

I stepped away from Emmett and hugged her. "I missed you to Rosalie."

"Rose" She replied, her breath catching and the word coming out shaky. "Family calls me Rose."

I bit back the tears swimming in my eyes and stepped back to smile at her, "Rose." I nodded.

"I'm sorry Bella."

I shook my head at her, "You were always honest and I think trying to protect me in your way." I swallowed to fight back a fresh wave of tears, "Thank you for that."

She nodded and sniffled and Emmett wrapped an arm tightly around her in comfort.

I looked to the porch where three vampires had come out of the house and now stood watching us.

I took a deep breath to calm myself and push back all of the emotions the reunion was causing and took a step towards them smiling.

"Hello Jasper." I smiled to him and turned to the two vampires beside him, "You must be his coven, I'm Bell." The Cullen's might still call me Bella but I had gotten used to the way the people I knew in New Orleans had shortened it. Remy had started it saying he was too lazy to say the ah sound, to me it sounded right coming from their accent.

"Peter, and this is my mate Charlotte." The nearly Emmett sized vampire stepped slowly off the porch as though not to scare me though he'd seen the others move vampire fast near me only seconds before. His eyes shone bright red but oddly, they didn't shine with that threatening glint of James, Victoria and Laurent.

I smiled at him and held out my hand, "It's very nice to meet you."

He shook my hand gently and his mate came forward when I held mine out to her as well. She had the same bright, yet oddly unthreatening red eyes. I turned back to Jasper, still standing on the porch, not entirely sure what to say.

"I'm so very sorry Bella."

I could feel the regret, self-loathing and pain rolling over him.

I walked up the steps to stand in front of him, meeting his glowing red eyes I reached out and touched his cheek, my eyes never leaving his, "There is nothing for you to be sorry for. It was never your fault." I stepped closer to him and wrapped my arms around his slender waist, focusing on feelings of sincerity "I never blamed you Jazz, not for Edward leaving, not for trying to attack me and not for Victoria hunting me. None of it was your fault."

His cool arms wrapped around me and hugged me to his cold body so gently it was like he thought I was made of the finest crystal and yet there was security in his hold, I felt safe. It wasn't a feeling I was accustomed to anymore, perhaps I never really had been.

He stepped back and looked down into my eyes again, his own slightly brighter with venom, "You aren't afraid, not of Pete and Char, not of me and you mean it, you really just, forgive me."

I shook my head, pulling my lower lip between my teeth to stop from crying before telling him again. "There is nothing to forgive, it was never your fault, none of it and I know you wouldn't hurt me, not on purpose, not without six vampires pumping you with blood lust on top of your own, one of those whose singer was the one bleeding." I felt a tear slip past my control, "You wouldn't hurt me Jazz and you wouldn't bring someone here you thought would either. I trust you and never, ever blamed you, not for any of it."

His cold finger reached out to brush away the tear that had fallen, "You still amaze me." He told me softly, "You always did. The purity and strength of your emotions, your acceptance and love of us, it's unlike anything I've ever witnessed."

I smiled a watery smile at him, "I've always been an odd one."

"A special one." He smiled back. Finally, our eyes broke contact as he looked over to Esme and Carlisle, "I hope you don't mind the intrusion. Alice called and we invited ourselves for a visit."

"You are always welcome Jasper. You know that." Esme beamed at him and came over to hug him tightly.

We moved into the house and Alice took my hand, "Rose and I did up a room for you. We aren't as good as Esme but I think you'll like it."

"You think?" I smiled at her, "Didn't you look to see?"

She shook her head, looking away sadly, "Sometimes I don't see the right thing."

I squeezed her hand, "Yes you do." She looked back at me venom in her eyes again, "You once told me I had a happy future." She looked like she was holding back sobs. "Everything happens for a reason Alice, good and bad, even if we don't understand the why part. I truly believe that. Maybe I have to but I also believe that whatever fate has in store for me," I felt tears burn trails down my cheeks, "my future is happy. My sister said so and I don't ever bet against her."

Alice pulled me into a hug sobbing gently against my shoulder, "I didn't see in time to save you, to save them. I didn't even see the others."

"You can't see everything and sometimes the future changes but the core of it, the plan fate has, it doesn't alter, we just take a new path towards it." We cried against each other for a minute before I pulled back to look in her eyes, "Have faith in your gift Alice, I do, I always have. It has its limitations and its fallibilities but it shows the different paths towards our fate. It is a great gift if we are wise enough to understand it."

She smiled at me and pulled me into another quick hug, "Let's go see your room then" she nodded smiling, "because you are going to like it."

I grinned back at her and wiped the tears from my cheeks, "Lead the way sis." I followed Alice up the steps but half way up I noticed it was just the two of us and stopped to call back down, "Aren't you coming Rose?" Alice had said she had helped and I wanted to hold onto our good start outside.

She was standing next to me in the next instant smiling warmly, "Of course."

We caught up with Alice who was waiting far to patiently, for the Alice I remembered to be waiting, and then walked the rest of the way up the steps, "That's my room and that door leads up to the attic where Jasper's room is. Esme and Carlisle are on the second floor, Rose, Emmett, Peter and Charlotte are all in the basement, it's nicely sound proofed." Alice told me, "This one we made up for you."

She pushed open the door and I was stunned. The walls were crème colored where they were visible. There was a large widow seat in one corner and French doors opening onto a balcony along one wall that was largely windows, on the other wall next to the corner window seat was a fireplace with two comfortable looking chairs in front of it, a small round table between them. The opposite wall held a dark wood four-poster bed with a matching dark wood nightstand on either side and white sheers in each corner. The rest of the walls were made of white shelves filled with hundreds of books.

I gasped and stepped into the stunning room, "This is for me?"

"You like it right?" Rosalie sounded nervous, "You used to love books."

I nodded, "I still do and I love this room." I turned to grin at them both.

"I know it's not your favorite part but come see the closet." Alice beamed at me, a trace of her old bouncing excited self back in her voice and movement.

I nodded and she led me to a door I hadn't noticed, she pushed it open and I found a large closet with shelves and drawers and rows of hanging space, it was the size of a small room, the size of my bedroom at the Inn in Maine really. At the end of the closet was a door that opened into a bathroom larger that the closet with a claw-foot tub, separate waterfall steam shower, a sink with counter space and a mirrored vanity with a little chair to do my makeup and hair at.

"I want to try that shower." I told her, "and that tub looks perfect to soak and read in." I hugged them both, "everything is perfect."

Alice bounced a little, "We can unpack your things together and see what else you need."

"That sounds great Alice." I smiled at her and followed her into my room where Emmett was just setting my bag down.

"Why did you only bring one of her bags up?" Rosalie asked him.

"It's all I have." I told her shyly.

Alice bounced, "More shopping."

I laughed, "Yeah, right, more shopping."

We unpacked my things together; I had half casual outfits from working the last six months at the inn and the other half was my skinny jeans and stilettos outfits from New Orleans.

While Alice went through my clothes and Rose examined my small case of make up, I carefully took my precious things out of my purse.

I always wore the lapis ring my mother had given me for my sixteenth birthday and the four-leaf clover charm necklace Charlie gave me one Christmas. I also still wore my wedding ring and a bracelet Paul had given me for graduation. The rest of my treasures, the rest of my past and all that I had left of the people I loved was in this over sized slouchy purse Remy had bought me for Christmas last year. Mostly they were photos, my only reminders. The first was a photo from when I was living in Arizona with my mother, it was of me and my mom in Sedona with the red mountains behind us, I was fifteen at the time and we were both grinning identical smiles one arm slung around each other. The second was a dream catcher Jake had given me. The third a framed photo of Charlie and I from not long after I'd first moved to Forks. Then came a photo of the pack taken by Billy. I was sitting in Paul's lap next to Sam and Emily, the rest of the pack surrounding us; the sun was just setting and the bonfire just starting. Next was one of just Paul and I, Jared had taken it one afternoon at the cliff's, Paul was in cargo shorts and I was in a bikini, he had me in his arms, bent back just a little as he bent to kiss my neck, neither of us aware of the camera. After this were my wedding photos with Luc, it was three photos in one frame, I was in a strapless white dress with a sweetheart top and empire waist that floated to mid thigh and four and a half inch stilettos. Still taller than me with the shoes, Luc was behind me, his arms wrapped around me, one hand splayed across my stomach both of us smiling at Remy behind the camera. The one next to it showed us in the same position but Luc had bent to kiss my shoulder, my head tilted a little to give him access. The third was the same shot again but I had turned partly in his arms and we were kissing. We had only learned about the baby and Luc subsequently proposed five days previously. Remy had let it slip that Luc had bought the ring almost two months before and been stressing about the perfect moment to ask. The final item was a tiny bootie Luc had bought for me two days after we found out I was pregnant. Jourdain stitched in green on it. My engagement ring had been tied with the little green ribbon when he'd given it to me.

I was crying as I looked over my special keepsakes. I felt cold arms surround me from either side and my sisters hugged me while I cried. Once I was calm again, I sniffled and wiped at my eyes, Rosalie got up and reappeared in a second with a tissue from the bathroom, grateful I used it to wipe up my face.

"I stole this one from your house one day. It was the only part of my past I had nothing to keep from, Edward had taken everything." I told them pulling a photo from behind the one with Renee; it was of the Cullen family. Carlisle stood with Esme, one arm around her waist as they leaned gently towards each other. A little behind them to their right stood Alice with Jasper, she stood turned slightly towards him, her hand on his chest, a bright smile on her delicate features, the top of her head only reaching his chin. He stood straight, his face unsmiling, one arm wrapped around her, his hand resting gently on the small of her back. One the other side of Esme and Carlisle was Rose and Emmett; they were standing turned into each other, the camera forgotten in each other's eyes. Beside and a little behind them Edward stood alone shoulders slightly hunched and hands in his pockets his expression was not tense like Jaspers but he was unsmiling, brooding almost. Behind them was only snow and ice.

"It was from about a year before we met you, right before we moved to Forks." Alice told me, "We stopped in Alaska to visit the Denali's and Carmen suggested a new family photo."

Rose picked it up with the other photos and moved to the fireplace. She displayed them all carefully. "I'll get you a frame for ours or we can take a new one if you like." She came back over to me and with infinite care, as though it would crumble to dust at the slightest pressure, she lifted the baby bootie from my lap and set it on the nightstand. Then she took the dream catcher and dug her finger into the top of the bed frame, making a hole to tie the dream catcher there.

I got up and hugged her, crying again. "Thank you."

"Do you know what you'd have named him?" Alice whispered.

"Her." I sniffled, "The doctor said it was a daughter I lost. Her name was Esme" my voice broke, "Esme Carlie Jourdain." I sat back on the bed looking at the little bootie, "I wanted her to always know she was loved, I wanted her to grow up to be as warm and loving as Esme. Do you know Esme even means loved? It's a French name, which fits for Luc to since his family had a French background. Carlie means free but its for Charlie and Carlisle, I wanted her to be compassionate, smart, strong and brave like them." My voice cracked as I spoke, "Esme Carlie Jourdain. My baby girl." Both girls had wrapped their arms around me again as I cried and they dry sobbed. I pulled a silver coin out of my pocket, "Remy had it made right after Luc and I agreed on the names," I showed it to them, Esme Carlie engraved on one side Charles Cullen on the other. They might have left me but Esme and Carlisle had made a huge impact on my life, they had taught me about the kind of parent I wanted to be, the kind of life and family I wanted to give my child.

I felt the bed shift as they pulled away and stood, then Esme had pulled me up into her arms and I felt Carlisle hug us both. When we all pulled away, I was exhausted from all the emotion and travel.

"Sleep." Esme led me to the bed and I lay down, she took the coin from my hand and laid it gently next to the bootie before kissing my forehead, "Welcome home my daughter."

I slipped into the darkness of a deep dreamless sleep and although it was only late afternoon when I lay down, I didn't wake again until the sun was rising.

I crept to the bathroom and stripped out of my leggings and the long sweater I hadn't bothered to change out of the day before and climbed into the shower. The water pressure was perfect and all my muscles relaxed under the spray. It was the best shower I could remember taking, pure heaven.

I dressed in skinny jeans and a loose sweater and slipped barefoot out of my room. As soon as my foot hit the last step Esme was standing in front of me, "You must be starving. I heard you wake and made you breakfast. I'm a bit rusty from not practicing the last four years but it looks right." She led me over to the kitchen where a plate of strawberry French toast was waiting with a fresh cup of coffee and orange juice.

I ate while Esme hovered. As soon as I finished my last bite she whisked away my plate, "Do you want anything else? I can make more."

"No thank you," I smiled at her, "that was more than enough."

"Bella?"

I turned at Rosalie's voice; it was still a little tentative, and very un-Rosalie like.

"Yes Rose?"

"I, well, I hope you don't mind." She pulled her hands from behind her back and held out a photo frame; only it wasn't really, more like a memory box. Inside the little coin was pinned on the side that said Esme Carlie, the little bootie with the green Jourdain stitching pinned on the left just below it, next to it was a copy of my wedding photo, Luc and I looking straight ahead, his hand splayed across my stomach, both of us grinning. Underneath all of it in beautiful script, was a small message. _My precious daughter Esme Carlie Jourdain, though I never held you in my arms or kissed your beautiful brow, though I never saw your eyes or heard your laugh, I loved you. Rest in peace my little angel. You will live forever in my heart._

I wept over the frame, carefully setting it aside to hug Rosalie, "Thank you Rose."

She hugged me back tightly. "I went to have it done while you slept and added the bootie and coin while you ate breakfast. The pins wont damage the coin or bootie at all."

We went up to my room to place it on the mantle with all my other special memories.

"Are these all the photos you kept?" Esme asked looking over each one.

"Remy has a small box of other things, these are just the ones that I couldn't bear leaving without." I told her running my finger gently over the glass protecting the little bootie.

Alice came in looking shy, "Bella?"

"Alice?" I smiled at her.

"Would you like to go shopping with Rose and I in Toronto today?"

"Sure. I need a few things."

Her smile grew at my answer, her eyes dancing and she fluttered out of the room calling over her shoulder in a way I remembered from before, "Hurry then, we only have so much time, we have to get on the road right away." I laughed before hugging Esme and grabbing my bag. Mostly, Alice seemed sad and unsure of herself now in a way she had never shown before and each small trace of the excited joyful pixie I had known previously made me so happy.

The day passed quickly and I came home exhausted, Esme plied me with a delicious chicken pasta dish and then I fell asleep on the couch as we settled into a movie.

The next day Emmett claimed me and we played Mario Brothers on the Wii and watched comedies all day. Rosalie painted my nails and toes and started a debate, mostly with herself since I wasn't much help, about what kind of car I should get since I would need one living here. I was pleasantly surprised when most of the names had classic in front. I liked cars with character, like my old truck. She knew me better than I had thought she would.

The next morning I spent the morning with Esme in her garden. It was peaceful and nice. After lunch I spent the afternoon reading with Carlisle in his study as we discussed various topics from what I wanted to do in the future to books we liked, I told him about working in the bar and the various characters I came across there and he told me funny stories from working in different hospitals over the years.

Except the hours I slept, I was never alone, each of them making time to spend with me, hovering in case I needed or wanted anything or as though if at least one of them couldn't see me, I might disappear. Everyday for a week I spent surrounded by them all, except Jasper and his family. I'd have thought they left but I saw his truck during the day and when we curled up to watch a movie at night, he and his family would silently join us, sitting on the edges, together but separate from us.

I had been there nine days when I decided I wanted to spend this one with the Whitlock's. I ate my breakfast and looked up at Esme, "Is Charlotte here?"

Esme looked at me surprised and nodded.

A voice sounded behind me a moment after, making me jump. "Yes?"

"Charlotte." I spun around, hand over my chest.

She smiled at me, "Sorry."

"What are you doing today?"

She tilted her head, observing me in thought, "Nothing special, why?"

"I was wondering if you'd go out with me for a walk. I haven't had the chance to get to know you and Peter at all."

She looked surprised and hesitant, her eyes shooting to Esme quickly before returning to me, "Of course."

"It's ok if you don't want to."

"No." She smiled at me, "I'd like that, very much." I felt the sincerity of her words and grinned back at her.

"Ok, so I'll just finish up and we can leave in half an hour?"

She nodded and then hesitated again before disappearing.

I finished my breakfast and cleaned up my dishes then went upstairs to brush my teeth and grab my jacket. I slipped into my Uggs and went down to meet her. She was waiting at the foot of the stairs looking nervous.

"Ready?" I asked.

She nodded and sent me a small smile, "yes. Peter and Jasper went…" Her voice trailed off.

"Hunting?"

She nodded, "Ok, well shall we?" I motioned to the door and we walked out. We walked for a good ten minutes in silence. "Are you alright Charlotte? You didn't have to come with me if you are uncomfortable."

"No," she shook her head and smiled at me, "Just surprised."

"Why?"

"You really aren't afraid of us at all are you?" She asked instead of giving an answer.

I shook my head, "I trust Jasper, so I trust you."

"We kill people."

"Innocent people?" I asked her looking into the woods around us.

"No. Well some, the ones who are dying, slow and painful, we kill them quick and painless before we feed. Mostly its criminals."

"Men like the ones who killed my husband." I bit back tears, "And my daughter."

"Yes." She answered softly, "Men just like that."

"Thank you."

"For what?"

"Saving someone else's husband and child, avenging those of us who will never know justice, not hurting innocent people." She stopped and turned me to her, her hand gentle on my arm as she moved very slowly to pull me into a hug.

"I wish my meal avenged you." She whispered.

We stood like that a minute before she gently stepped away and we continued to walk. "I think about it like polar bears." I told her.

"Polar bears?"

"Polar bears eat seals and seals eat fish. Animals are the fish; people the seals and vampires the polar bears. People only like to believe we are at the top of the food chain but you guys are. It's the cycle of life, one predator hunting another. Only it's more like a wolf eating a dog, similar species but not the same."

She laughed, "That's an interesting way of looking at it."

"Thanks I think." I sent her a small smile. "Where is your accent from?"

"Texas. Different part than Jasper and Peter though."

"All of you are from Texas?"

"Different parts of her but yes, Maria recruited us all there over the decades."

"Maria?"

"Jasper's maker." She answered quietly, "He'd have to tell you about that though."

"Who made you?"

"Jasper." She smiled at me, "Jasper made me and Peter. Though Pete came first by quite a few decades."

"How old are you? Well, were you, I mean?"

She giggled, "Now I am, let's see here about ninety three and I was nineteen when I was turned." Peter was changed at twenty-one about thirty five years before me making him one hundred and thirty."

"Wow. You look good for older than my grandmother." I smiled at her. Then thought about something, "Wait, so Jasper is older than the other Cullen's if he made both you and Peter."

"Sugar Jasper was turned at just past twenty back in 1863."

"Jasper is over a hundred and sixty five years old?"

She nodded, "He was turned during the civil war, the youngest Major in the Confederate Army, he even added almost two years to his age to join up so he was promoted even younger than they thought."

"Where in Texas are you from?"

"Place called Fair Oaks, near San Antonio."

"What about Peter?"

"Cattle ranch town call Amarillo."

"Do you miss it?"

"Texas?" She shook her head, "Lot of bad memories there."

"Yeah." I agreed softly, "I know how that feels."

"I reckon you do sugar."

"Do you remember before you were changed?"

"Some but not much I'm afraid. I remember that I had a sister, she was just married and moved out east with her husband but I loved the heat and open land and didn't ever want to leave. My daddy, he was a horseman, he raised us girls on his own, I could ride as good as any man but he made sure I knew proper ways of a lady to, we'd sit out on the porch in the evening, and I'd sing while he whittled. He wasn't an overly affectionate man but I remember always knowing he loved me, he expressed it in other ways like fixing a saddle strap before anyone else saw it was wearing or asking my opinion about the horses."

"My father was like that to. Unassuming and quiet but he got up early to put chains on my truck tires when it was icy and gave me pepper spray. We never talked much but it's the little things that had so much more meaning than words could."

"That's it exactly." She smiled at me.

"Is it only the three of you or do you have more family somewhere?"

She shook her head, "Just us three Whitlock's though we've a nomad friend here and there."

"You aren't nomads?"

"Not really. I suppose we are a little more nomadic than the Cullen's but we have a few steady homes in remote areas and just travel a bit to get our meals. Other times we live more nomadically and spend a year or two in a city before moving to the next one."

"Where is your favorite?"

"City?"

"Or remote home."

"My favorite cities are the ones that don't sleep, Vegas, New York, London, no one really notices if we aren't out in the day. My favorite home is in the Rockies, a long way from any kind of civilization and mighty hard to get to as a human but Peter's is our Nevada home. It reminds him of home before the change and all the bad memories Texas holds for us now and it's only a short run to Vegas and all the amusements we can find there."

"What about Jasper?"

She smiled softly, Jasper prefers the country to the city, he finds more peace without the constant assault of emotions; he's never seen our house in the Rockies since he was with the Cullen's when Pete and I got it but I know he'll love it. Now though I think his favorite is the Montana home. With its valley's of rolling hills almost as far as the eye can see and a huge lake, beside the house is backed by mountains that seem almost to rise up out of the water."

"It sounds beautiful."

"It is." She smiled at me. "All our remote homes are very remote, as though no humans had ever stepped foot there. It's peaceful and we don't ever have to hide."

"Do you ever get lonely or bored out there?"

She smiled sadly, "Sometimes but then we just go to the city for a bit or visit a friend if we can pin them down. It's better now that Jasper is home again, we missed him."

"Why? Didn't he and Alice stay with you at all? Or did they?"

She shrugged, "It was hard for him, staying on that diet, it's good for him, evens his emotional intake but its not natural and he needed to square himself with himself more than force himself to be someone he wasn't. It was and still is a struggle for him to balance himself."

"I understand the diet thing but what about in the remote places?"

"He'd visit us there sometimes, stay a while but the Pixie don't much care for the quiet and remote and we were never close so it was hard on Jasper. He'd come alone while she was off on her own but the visits were short and I think more difficult since he was alone in the diet, even out there where its almost as if nothing but the three of us exists."

"Is anything easy for him?"

She stopped and met my eyes, "No sugar, there's not to much that's been easy in Jasper's existence. He told me he was amazed by the strength of your emotions, how good and pure they are, how full of love, acceptance and light you are even after the dark of the world dragged you through the wringer. I've always been amazed at that in him. He's been to a hell most can't imagine, he's suffered more than would break any other and struggled for longer than most can truly comprehend. He doesn't see it but Jasper is a good soul, he's warm and loving, loyal and honorable." The pure love and sincere sadness in her voice broke my heart.

We started walking again and after a minute she spoke more, "He saved my life you know, back in the beginning. Peter and I both are alive because of him, several times over. He's still got old values of honor and loyalty."

"Charlotte?"

She glanced over and sent me a small smile; "He still blames himself for leaving you alone with Victoria out there. Blames himself for the Cullen's leaving you, for being weak and causing Edward to leave you."

"I wish I could some how make him understand it wasn't his fault."

"I don't know that anything but time and love can."

"Is that why he stays away? Not because it's hard to be around the human but because he feels guilty?"

She nodded, "Partly. Not that it is hard to be near you, though you do smell delicious, the blood we drink sates our thirst in a way animal blood never can so resisting is easier."

"What do you mean?"

"Well," she thought about it, "I'm not sure but from what I know about it, I suppose it's similar to two women being faced with a brownie. The first girl is on a diet and eats only salad, then finds herself faced with a fresh brownie on a plate in front of her and she's craving it so badly. The second woman next to her eats how she likes in moderation, some salad, some steak and some chocolate, the brownie placed in front of her might look good but its easy to resist because she has such treats all the time."

I giggled, "That sounds like a really good example and makes sense."

"Thank you. Now I imagine you want a brownie."

"Wouldn't mind one," I agreed.

"Shall we turn out of the woods and head towards town then. I believe you will need lunch at some point and I am sure we can find a brownie somewhere."

"Brownies are dessert not lunch."

"Why?"

I shrugged, "I don't know but you know what, a brownie for lunch sounds good."

She laughed, "Alright then, a brownie for lunch it is."

"How long are you staying?"

She shrugged, "Pete says we can't leave yet but Jasper doesn't want to crowd you."

"Not that I want you to leave because I really don't but why does Peter say you can't go yet?" I asked as we crossed the street.

"He doesn't know." She answered with a sigh, "He just says we should be here for something or something hasn't happened yet that should."

"Does he have visions or something?"

"No, he just sort of knows stuff sometimes. It pops into his head, this certainty of something. This time it's that we should be here just now."

"So he'll just be going along with you and all of a sudden he'll think, I have to buy a Popsicle and drag you to buy one even though you don't eat?"

"Yes, exactly." She laughed nodding, "We'll go buy the Popsicle, but then as we leave the store we'll see a little girl get dragged into a van by a child rapist and hello dinner. He also might sit up from where we are lounging and look at me and say companies coming and then he'll think a bit and say something like, Jasper will be here at sunset or a nomad looking for a fight is coming from the east. He doesn't get all the information in a movie or picture like Alice, its just like he's always known it and just remembered it or gets a strong feeling telling him we need to be somewhere or do something."

"Strange but very cool. What does Alice say? Is there a reason she thinks you might need to be here?"

She shrugged, "We didn't ask but Alice would have said if she'd seen something for us to worry about. She's much calmer than she used to be and much more careful about her visions, she doesn't seem to jump to conclusions or try to manipulate events like she once did but she wouldn't keep anything important to herself."

"You like her more than you used to?"

"I never didn't like her, we just weren't the type to be close; nothing much in common I suppose. I think she has grown up a bit but even though her over excitement could be excessive it's sad to see her so unsure of herself now."

"Yeah, I don't like that either."

"Rosalie has changed for the better in some ways as well but like Alice she seems to take less enjoyment out of small things."

"What about Emmett or Esme and Carlisle?"

"I don't know them well, Peter and I came on occasion to visit Jasper but we mainly stayed to ourselves."

"General opinion." I persisted.

"Emmett seems a little more serious, less quick with a boisterous joke. Esme watches you, her eyes filled with a sadness I can't quite understand, Carlisle does it to sometimes, its almost like they are afraid you might disappear and they are trying to memorize you before it happens."

"I thought the same about Alice, Rose and Emmett. Esme hovers more than she used to and Carlisle seems to make it a point to sit and talk with me if only for a few minutes everyday. I never noticed them watching me."

"They only do it when you aren't looking."

"Why?"

"Why do they watch you or why have they changed?"

"Why if they loved me this much did they leave? Why did they never come back?"

"I don't know sugar but I know they do love you, very much."

We crossed into the little town and walked down the main road, some people stared and a few others waved though we didn't know anyone, you had to love small towns.

"What do you and Peter do for fun?"

"Well sugar Pete and I are a very physically affectionate pair as most true mates are."

I blushed but laughed, "I meant when you aren't naked."

She laughed to, "Oh, well then we like to go dancing, we like to go running, hiking and swimming, cliff jumping is always fun, we like movies and karaoke and we play games, mostly poker and I love scrabble and Peter loves video games."

"How come he never plays with Emmett?"

"I'm not sure sugar, like I said, mostly we keep to ourselves the few days we'd stopped in to see Jasper. We aren't like them and while they are kind in opening their home to us, we never wanted to push our welcome."

"I think Emmett would like a good challenge and I'd like to see him lose just once." I hinted at her.

"I'll tell Peter." She laughed, "though I must say I'd like to see the same with Peter. Jasper can beat him sometimes when they play but mostly they play team games like Halo."

"Hm." I mused.

"What are you thinking?"

"We'd have to get Rose in on it but I think I'd know a way for them both to lose, though it wouldn't be strictly fair, the loss would be nice to see and funny when to a little, not very good at video games, human girl."

She laughed, "I am already liking this idea and I don't know what it is, I'm in."

We discussed my plot while I ate a large warm brownie and drank coffee.

By the time we left the coffee shop we were both laughing. All the way back she told me funny stories about Peter and Jasper so we were still giddy and giggling when we got back to the house.

"Peter!" I called seeing him sitting in the living room with Jasper. He looked surprised when he looked over but was immediately smiling when he saw his mate with me giggling as well. "I can't believe you were scared of a fish." I laughed.

"Screamed like a little girl to." Charlotte laughed.

"Thing came out of no where." He protested, "Was rubbing right up against me to, most things naturally flee from us, it was unnatural."

Charlotte and I just laughed harder. I went into the room and sank into a chair trying to catch my breath. "Where is everyone?"

"Carlisle is at work, Alice and Esme are hunting and Rose and Emmett are… occupied." Jasper told me.

"Let's go paint those nails sugar, I'll tell you about the time these two fell into an old cave system and a got stuck down there."

"I don't like bats." Jasper growled.

"There were creepy crawlies in there." Peter added.

"Right and the time Peter went hunting with Jasper and the bear he was going after tried to mate him."

I was already cracking up as we walked down the stairs.

"That was traumatizing!" Peter called after us. I could hear Jasper's laughter following us and it made me feel warm inside, I didn't think I'd ever heard it before.

We went into Charlotte's room and a half hour later Rose had joined us, her hair wet from the shower.

Charlotte turned up the music so we could fill her in on our plot. Sound proofing or not we were not taking any chances.

An hour later, we went back upstairs to take down the boys.

"Hey Emmett, let's play Mario Kart."

"Sure Bells!" He bounced up.

"What about you Peter? Charlotte says you're king of the Wii."

"Hah! He couldn't beat me." Emmett laughed.

"It would be to easy Cullen." Peter spared back.

"How about you Jasper?" I turned to him, "Do you know how to play?"

"Sure." He nodded.

"Rose? Char?" I pretended not to know they were only there to help me take down their arrogant mates.

Rose snorted and rolled her eyes, "On your own sister."

"No thanks sugar." Charlotte smiled at me, "But if you beat my mate I'll buy you another brownie lunch."

"Deal." I laughed. "Let's go boys."

Emmett put the game on and handed out controllers. This would only work once since it had to be unexpected.

I played it safe and the boys all out attacked each other. I hid my player behind a wall and focused on Jasper. The girls took this as their cue and began to really think about sex. It hit him in one wave and he cursed, breaking his controller, his guy being taken out almost immediately by Emmett.

He looked over at me and I was unsuccessfully biting back a grin.

"Bella." He growled.

"What?"

Char and Rose giggled behind me and he turned to glare at them.

"What it's not my fault I can't stop thinking about this morning, I never even got to show Emmett my new little French all lace maid-for-you costume."

Emmett spun around, his eyes dark "new what?" he sputtered.

"Yeah and Pete and I haven't had sex in two days, I'm beginning to think I might be losing it. Maybe I should try a costume?"

"I found a great website, they have a sexy cowgirl one you might like or this maid for love see through thing that should definitely get his attention."

While both boys were distracted, I took them out. Jasper was laughing as the screen flashed to announce me winner.

"That was dirty." Jasper laughed.

"Don't come between a girl and her brownie Jazz." I winked at him, "Besides alls fair in love and video games." I laughed.

Both Emmett and Peter were staring from the screen to me and back to their giggling mates.

"Whitlock I do believe we were set up."

"Yes Cullen, I think you're right."

I tossed Jasper the controller, "Try not to break this one k." I laughed, wiggling my fingers at him in goodbye, the girls following me back out of the room and up to mine, still laughing.

A few hours later I took a book out onto the patio and found Jasper alone.

"Where are Peter and Charlotte?" I asked; the three of them were usually off hiding together.

He looked at me and lifted his brow making me giggle.

"It's not funny." He growled, "Rose and Emmett are at it again to. The basement might be mostly sound proof but vampires can still hear some and walls don't much help me."

I blushed, laughing lightly as he shifted in his seat. "Sorry Major but you were my best weapon to weaken them." He looked at me funny, his eyes darkening. "You ok Jazz?" I asked sitting down next to him.

"I think I'll go for a run." He told me standing. Then he looked back at me, "Or a walk if you like." He nodded to the woods.

I smiled at him, "Do you want me to or do you just not want to leave me alone?"

"I'd like you to." He answered softly.

"Ok." I smiled and set my book on the seat as I stood.

"I guess the whole family has been hovering a bit." He broke the silence a few minutes later.

"A bit?" I laughed lightly, "I don't think I've been alone since I got here but to shower and sleep."

He sent me a smile, "Nah, they check on you a couple times a night."

I laughed and linked my arm with his, "Why am I not surprised."

"Does it bother you?"

"I'm used to more time alone but no. It's been nice seeing them and its almost like I've borrowed your gift sometimes, like I can feel the love and affection coming off them.

"They missed you."

I sighed, "I always missed them to." I tilted my head to face him, "You to."

"Me?" he seemed genuinely surprised.

"I know we weren't close, Edward wouldn't allow it, but you were always there. A silent presence always sending me comfort or confidence, even when you weren't trying I felt more calm when you were near."

His lips quirked up just slightly, "I might not have been sending but I was probably projecting some."

"Why?"

"I was basking?"

"Basking in what?"

"Your emotions. They are so pure and strong, not overwhelming but like the ocean, deep and steady. When you'd just relax, you exuded this perfect peace. It was addictive."

"Are my emotions different now?"

"There is a note of sadness that was never there before. Even when you laugh, its there, a constant part of the deep still waters making up your emotional state."

"Are you happy Jasper?"

He seemed startled by the question, "Mostly."

I sighed and he looked at me in question, "Are we far enough for you now?" I asked looking back in the direction of the house though I couldn't see it through the trees.

"We are, would you like to sit?"

Instead of answering I moved to a comfortable looking spot and sat, he sat with me, calmly and quietly listening to the sounds of the forest.

"Carlisle and Esme said that to."

"What?" He seemed almost surprised I'd broken the comfortable silence.

"Mostly." I sighed, "You were all happy before I came along."

"No." He shook his head, "We were only better at lying to ourselves."

I tilted my head, "What do you mean?"

"Alice and I, we pretended we were happy, pretended we were mates though we both knew it was only companionship. I pretended to be ok with the man I had become, to want the Cullen's life, to be someone else. The others all pretended to be happy but below the surface there was always fractures."

"Do you miss her?"

"We're still good friends. The only thing that's changed is we don't pretend anymore."

"So why are you only mostly happy?"

He sighed, "I'd like what Char and Pete have. I'd like to find peace with the man I was and the man I wish to be. I'd like to atone for my sins." He said the last looking at me.

"Maybe you already have."

He shook his head. "I've done a lot of terrible things throughout my existence Bella. Things I will always regret."

"The past is done, we can't change it, but you're a good man Jasper."

"I failed you."

"Failed me?"

"With Victoria. I should have known, I did know and I didn't protect you."

"No." I bit back tears, "You killed James. You helped save me. You warned Edward Victoria would be back for me, he didn't listen, that's on him, not you."

"I tried to kill you."

"You had six starving vampires bloodlust to battle."

"All the pain you suffered."

"We all suffer Jazz, life's hard and it's often cruel."

"I'm so sorry Darlin."

I lifted my hand and lay it over his jaw, my eyes boring into his maroon ones, "It wasn't your fault."

"They wouldn't have left if I hadn't lost control."

"Yes they would have. Edward would have found another excuse. He was always going to leave me Jasper. You had nothing to do with it."

I pulled my hand back and scooted to sit beside him leaning my head against his shoulder, "I don't want you and your family to hide from me anymore Jazz. I want to get the chance to know you that I didn't before, the chance to know them."

"Ok." He breathed puling my hand through the crook of his arm so I could lean more comfortably into him.

We sat for a long while in the comfortable quiet as the twilight grew. It wasn't until we heard Esme calling my name, or until Jasper did, that we finally moved.

"Esme's calling for you."

I smiled at him, "Ok."

He stood up and held out a hand for me and when I was steady on my feet, he tucked it back around his arm and began walking back towards the house.

"You know I'm going to get you back for this afternoon right?" He asked as the tree's thinned and the yard came into view.

"Sure." I smiled at him. "But it won't change that I beat you." I laughed letting go of his arm and jogging the last few feet to the house where Esme was waiting.


	7. Chapter 7

**Disclaimer – I do not own Twilight. All recognizable plot and characters belong to the talented Stephanie Meyer.**

**Please review!**

The next couple of weeks passed blissfully. I found a true friend in Char, we were a lot more alike than I would have expected and we spent a lot of time together. I was comfortable and happy so of course something had to fuck it up.

The something?

Edward.

I came home from a drive with Char and went up to my room.

The door was ajar and I pushed it gently open. The first thing I saw was Edward, just as beautiful as I remembered. The second thing was the mantle of the fireplace he was standing next to, I looked to the ground and dropped to my knees in anguish.

"Oh don't be so melodramatic." He snapped at me.

I crawled across the floor towards the mess of wood, silver and glass crying as my door flung violently against the wall. In that same instant Jasper was crouched over me snarling. I took up the nearest ripped photo and brushed off the glass.

Char wrapped her arms around me, "Don't sugar, you'll cut yourself."

"I'll get them, Bella, I'll get them." Alice was next to us sifting through the rubble to pull all of the pieces out while I sobbed into Char clutching the torn fragment of my wedding photo. Rosalie handed me something and I looked down to see the torn bootie. I clutched it to my heart and cried harder.

I felt someone lift me in their arms and turned into him as he carried me from the room and down to the living room. When I was able to stop the tears, I found myself in Peter's lap, Char next to us, her hand rubbing soothing circles on my lower back. Esme was sobbing into Carlisle, when had they gotten back? Rosalie was on my other side, she looked furious as Emmett held onto her, both of them growling at Edward who stood defiant across the room. Alice looked stricken and sat in a chair her hands in her lap holding the fragments of my photos, not looking at any of us. Jasper, he stood crouched a little near us, his eyes black, he looked calm and furious at the same time. It was the scariest thing I had ever seen, the look on his face, the rage and loathing pouring off him in waves.

"Explain." He demanded.

Edward snorted, "I don't answer to you."

I trembled as the tension and anger rose in the room and Jasper growled low and more menacing than any sound imaginable. Edward lost his petulant look.

"She fucked a goddamn dog!" He growled. "She doesn't belong here. I told you to leave her. She chose her _fucking_ path." He emphasized the word fucking. I had never heard him so crude or angry but it didn't register on the scary meter next to Jasper. "She's not pure or good, just another stupid human whore. She doesn't belong here, she's not one of us, not part of our family."

I pulled out of Peter's arms, trembling with pain and anger, "No." I looked at him; tears still streaming down my face as I clutched my unborn daughters ripped bootie.

"No?" He turned to me, his black eyes burning furiously. Jasper growled, crouching low, his eyes never leaving Edward.

"No." I repeated breathing heavy, surprising myself with how calm my voice sounded. "You don't get to be angry or hurt." Fresh tears welled in my eyes. "You left me. You promised never to leave me and then you did. You left me broken in the woods. You wanted me to be safe. Well Paul kept me safe," my voice cracked even as it rose, "he died protecting me from Victoria." I took another deep breath, "You wanted me to live a normal human life, Luc was normal, he loved me, we loved each other and there was nothing selfish or possessive about that love. We had a normal life, we got married and we were going to have a daughter. You said it would be like you never existed but it wasn't. You left me broken, Sam saved me in those woods, Jacob put the pieces of my soul back together, Paul taught me to be strong and he died to keep me safe so that I could have my normal human life with Luc." I swiped at the tears, "So no, you don't get to be angry or hurt because you got exactly what you wanted." I lifted my chin defiantly as I continued, "I get to be angry, I get to be hurt; _you_ broke _my_ heart. You left me with a psychotic bitch hunting me. One of her fucking blood crazed friends killed my father, drained him right in our house. He's dead because of you. Paul and Collin are dead because of you, because they fought her; they protected me when you ran away. The pack protected me, they killed Laurent when he was two seconds from biting me, they killed Victoria and her crazed mini army and two of them died for it. Paul died painful and slow from the venom for it and Collin, he was only fourteen, just a child, he was a child and he died fighting her after you ran away." I dissolved into tears again but pushed away the comforting arms that would hold me. "You are selfish, petulant, childish, and cruel and I cannot fathom how it is you can be so callous when you have had Carlisle, Esme and Jasper's influence for so many decades." I walked over to Alice and took the fragments from her, holding them close to me with the bootie.

The whole room was silent as I walked over to Carlisle and Esme. "My daughter would have born your names with the same pride, grace and respect I have for you. I'm so grateful that you came to Maine and I love you without ending but I can't stay here." I sniffled.

"Paris." Alice's quiet voice broke into the silence, "We can go back to Paris together. You'll love it, its not just shopping but tons of cafes and bookstores and history."

"Or the castle in Scotland" Rose spoke up, her voice just as quiet and tentative. "I bought it for Emmett, he thought it was so cool that we could live in a real honest to goodness medieval castle."

"Please no." Esme finally spoke, her voice broken, "You're my daughter. Please stay with us. We can go anywhere in the world that you want. Together."

"I'm sorry." I breathed, "I wont break your family anymore."

"You are our family Bella." Carlisle, still holding Esme with one hand reached out as though to touch me but let his hand fall back to wrap around his mate again.

I shook my head and clutched my memories closer to my body as though to shield them. "I'm sorry." I had to get away from there.

I turned to the couch, "Char, can you drive me to Toronto please."

"Sure sugar." She stood up and I carefully placed my broken memories in my purse that I had dropped on the bench by the door when I'd come in.

We walked out to Jasper's truck, the silence of the house, stretching out behind us. She took the keys from the glove box while I curled against the door and cried, clutching my purse to me like a child would its security blanket.

"We were going to Montana, when we left here." Charlotte broke the silence an hour later. "The lake will freeze over soon. It's so beautiful and peaceful. The whole world disappears. We have huge fireplaces where you can curl up and read while it's blustering out."

"Char?"

"It's not like any place you will ever have been before."

"Sounds perfect" my voice cracked with tears.

She looked over at me with a small smile, "We'll just disappear for the winter then."

I nodded and we drove in comfortable though heartbroken silence.

I jostled awake to see it was bitch black; I glanced to the clock and saw I had been sleeping for six hours.

"Um, Char, I think we should have reached Toronto by now." I yawned sitting up.

"I bypassed the city, it would have been doubling back to get to Montana. We'll be passing through Chicago soon though and they'll have anything you might need."

"How'd we get across the border?"

"Luckily you keep your passport in your purse and I keep an extra in the glove box." She smiled. I looked down to see I was still holding my bag tightly to me. "I was careful not to let anything else come out." She told me softly.

"Thanks Char," I smiled a watery smile at her, "For everything."

"I've never had a real girl friend before." She smiled at me, "Not since I was human and spent all my days with my sister. We knew all each other's secrets. Since I was turned it has just been Peter, and far to infrequently Jasper, that I've really had as friends. Alice, she was nice to me but we just, didn't click right. You didn't have to befriend me. I'm a vampire and a human drinker. I didn't expect you to acknowledge me much at all, the others usually didn't much when we visited, all polite of course but that's not the same is it."

"No it isn't."

"I like having a friend." She said softly looking back at the road, "I think if I were sad you'd try to make it better but you're the one who's sad and I can help but partly it's also that I'm selfish and I don't want to lose my only friend yet."

"I like having a friend to." I told her, "It's good not to be alone."

She smiled at me again, "It is."


	8. Chapter 8

**Disclaimer – I do not own Twilight. All recognizable plot and characters belong to the talented Stephanie Meyer.**

**Please review!**

APOV

The room stayed silent for a long time after Bella and Charlotte left, everyone perfectly still in the way only our kind can manage.

Then Rose blurred forward out of Emmett's loosened grasp and attacked Edward. Emmett pulled her off and then hit him so hard his head snapped all the way back.

I turned to Carlisle and Esme, "I didn't see it." I told them. "I saw him come but I didn't see him do that. I'd have hid away all her memories, safe, if I'd seen it."

"We know Darlin." Jasper comforted me.

Esme pulled from Carlisle's arms, her black, venom filled eyes on Edward, her voice when she spoke was broken and so low it took our vampire hearing to pick up the words, "How could you?" He looked at her like she'd smacked him but said nothing. She turned and fled up to her room.

"She" Edward began but Carlisle cut him off with a hiss.

"No." We all turned to face him, none of us had ever seen him lose his cool before, his eyes were pitch black, his voice was still calm but laced with anger and pain "You do not decide who is or isn't a member of this family. Your only choice is whether or not you are a part of it. Even so it is by my will and my mates grace that you are welcome. The damage you have caused to this family today, the pain and suffering you willfully inflicted cannot easily be forgiven. We allowed your selfishness to dictate and damage this family once; we will not be so foolish as to allow it again. You chose to leave Bella, you chose not to listen to Jasper about Victoria, the life she chose once you left is not for you to judge. You were the catalyst to her suffering but she survived, you don't get to condemn nor comment on how. We have all taken responsibility for our actions and the mistakes we made, you should as well and let it be a lesson for you to learn to be wary of your actions Edward because you might not like the consequences." He turned and left the room, going up to comfort his mate.

Rosalie hissed at him, spitting venom at his feet, "Hurt my sister again and I'll tear you apart."

"Sister." He looked at her, a cross between disbelief and displeasure, "You never even liked her."

Rosalie growled at him and Emmett pulled her away, "Come on Rosie, let's go. We'll take a little trip, find Bella the perfect classic car." He shot a look at Edward, "Member of this coven or not, you are no brother of mine." He spat.

"It's time for us to go to Jasper." Peter spoke up. Jasper was still glaring at Edward, rage pouring off him.

"What about Charlotte?" I asked tentatively, still not used to asking questions instead of searching things out with my vision.

"My mate isn't coming back." Peter told me, his eyes still on Jasper, "Come on Major." Peter stepped closer to Jasper, snapping his concentration from burning holes into Edward with his eyes.

"You won't want to cross my path for a long time." Jasper breathed at him.

"Back to murdering people Jasper, I don't know why they let you come back, pity probably. You always were a monster." Edward taunted him.

I had never taken Edward for foolish before but taunting Jasper was stupid.

"A demon straight out of hell." He growled back, "So don't forget who you are dealing with. I see you again, you will be the one to suffer, if you ever cause a moment of pain or suffering to Bella again, I will show you the tricks I learned in hell and a piece of you will burn for every tear you make her shed." I felt the suffocating swell of fear mixed with a dose of pain that Jasper sent to Edward and shivered. It wasn't meant for me but it was still terrifying. There was a reason part of me had always feared him a little and this was it. The thing that lived in us was a monster; the one that lived in Jasper really was a demon. There was a reason he was known as the most dangerous and terrifying of our kind, the God of War and Bringer of Death were nicknames well earned.

They were gone a moment later and the air lightened as he took all his rage with him.

Edward and I stayed there in silence a while longer until I felt calm enough to speak, "You have no idea what she's suffered Edward." I turned to my favorite brother, "The hurt we caused her. Bella's right, you don't have the right to feel angry or hurt. She did exactly what you'd asked her to, she moved on, she stayed safe and she lived a normal human life." I stood up. "I'm going back to Paris. You should think about your actions, about how much damage one juvenile tantrum has caused today. How selfish your actions have truly been, not just here today but from the moment we met her."

He looked up at me, his eyes flashing, "You encouraged…"

I cut him off, "I made mistakes and I'm taking responsibility for them, learning the consequences of my actions. We all are. You need to as well."

I left the house then but as I went, I saw a small silver coin. It must have fallen from Bella's pile of tattered treasure. I picked it up, "Charles Cullen stared back at me, I flipped it to the other side to see the Esme Carlie and ran my finger gently over it, then tucked it into my pocket to keep safe for my sister. Like the others I left all my belongings behind, I just walked out the front door and left.


	9. Chapter 9

**Disclaimer – I do not own Twilight. All recognizable plot and characters belong to the talented Stephanie Meyer.**

**Please review!**

BPOV

Charlotte and I stopped for the night in Chicago. The next day she insisted we shop. I couldn't really protest since all I had was my purse. After the shops closed and I had eaten, we got back on the road. She drove through the night while I slept. I didn't want to know how fast she had been driving through the night because when I woke up she told me we would be there that afternoon. We stopped twice for me to eat but otherwise she drove steady, if still very fast. I found that despite all the time we had been spending together, we still had a lot to talk about and our conversation never faltered. We sang along to the radio, talked about the places she had seen with Peter and some of the nomads she had come across. I told her about the wolves and about Paul, how I'd come to pick New Orleans, my first date with Luc. The only thing I didn't, couldn't, talk about was the morning I'd lost him and my daughter. She was similarly open with me; the only thing she refused to talk about was how she was changed and her newborn year saying it was more a part of Jasper's story than hers. I only knew that was when she had met Peter and that Jasper had somehow saved both their lives.

We parked the truck at a tiny cottage at a small place called Darby.

"This is it?" I asked climbing out of the truck and admiring the little cabin. It was removed in the woods but closer to town than I expected. Only a thirty minute drive.

"This is it for easy going." She replied. "We have to run in from here."

I followed her into the little cabin and saw it was like a hikers waypoint, a one-room cabin with supplies and things. She took our shopping bags, filled a large black pack with all our clothes, and slung it on her back.

"Um, Char, how far is this place, because you know, human and all."

"Got it covered" A voice spoke behind me and I swirled around to see Peter and Jasper standing there with a load of grocery bags.

Jasper filled a second large pack with the shopping bags and handed it to Peter who slung it on his back.

"See you there?" He winked and took Char's hand and they both ran out.

Jasper shifted on his feet, "It won't take long to get there."

I smiled at him, "Is it ok. My being here?"

He smiled back at me and nodded, "More than ok Darlin."

He seemed to hesitate so I went to him and he led us out of the house, locking it up. I saw a second truck now parked beside the one Charlotte and I had driven here and I blushed.

"Sorry we stole your truck Jazz."

"Borrowed," Jasper laughed "and everything I have is Peter and Char's to. It was faster to run anyways. We beat you here by several hours."

He went over to the truck, grabbed a small black bag out of the glove box.

"This way." He led me around back before holding his hand out for my purse. I gave it to him and he put it in the duffle. "Mind taking this?" I slipped the long strap over my head and settled the bag behind me. Once it was secure Jasper lifted me onto his back, his hands secure at my thighs. "Hold tight, we'll be there in less than an hour."

I nodded and buried my face in his neck, he smelled like worn leather, gunpowder and apples.

"We're here." He told me stopping after a while. I lifted my head and gasped as I looked around. It was beautiful. More than even Char had described.

Jasper led me, while I was slack jawed with my gaze swiveling around us, towards a large log cabin near the crystal waters of the lake.

Inside the main floor was one open space, a small kitchen was in one corner divided by a large island but the most of the room was made up of a large sitting room with two double long couches that looked like you'd just sink into them. The largest wood coffee table I'd ever seen and two brown leather chairs on either side of a massive fireplace. Across the fireplace was a giant entertainment center.

"We don't have cable but we have almost every movie made." Peter laughed.

"Come and see upstairs." Char came over and tugged my arm leading me up a beautiful floating wood staircase.

"Technically we only have two rooms." Char told me shyly. "Ours is on the right and Jasper's on the left. Luckily the boys ran here much faster than we can drive especially with the shopping and eating stops so they have already started on your room."

"My room?"

"Technically it's the attic." She told me looking away.

"I'm sure it will be more than fine."

She nodded and led me up another flight of stairs. The ceilings were pointed and low in some areas, the floors like the rest of the house were hardwood but where part of the walls were the logs of the other rooms part were boards with visible beams. Light came in from the windows, the whole space one huge open area like the main floor. I thought it had character and was the most beautiful room.

"This is great." I grinned at her.

"We cleaned it up and put in a closet over there, nothing close to Alice standard." Jasper motioned to an area with folding doors and I pulled them open to see shelves and hanging rods.

"It's perfect for me. Thank you." I smiled at him and he smiled softly looking away. I wondered if maybe he would be blushing were he human.

"We ordered furniture in town and will carry it out to assemble it when it's ready tomorrow." Jasper told me, still standing just inside the door.

I turned and smiled at him again, "I don't even know how to thank you."

"Just did." He winked at me. "We also picked up groceries while we were in town, non perishable mostly so I hope its all ok."

"I'm sure its great." I told him.

He left Char and I to get settled, she helped me unload my clothes and showed me where the bathroom was. Then we went outside and just sat in the setting sun. It was still surprisingly warm and I felt like I had entered another world. I thought small towns like the one I had ended up at in Maine were quiet and peaceful, it was nothing like it was here.

I fell asleep as we watched a movie that night. The giant couches were covered in a soft cloth material and made of feather; I'd never been on a more comfortable sofa.

The next day my furniture came. The boys got a wood bed frame, wood night table and desk, all which had to be self-assembled. Once everything was in place they went back into town and came back carrying my double mattress and box spring. They disappeared a third time and returned with a feather mattress topper Char had apparently insisted I needed.

We had gone with them in the morning and I'd gotten sheets and a few things while Char got what she wanted. We stopped by the grocery again and then returned to the cabin. That night I fell exhausted to sleep in my new room.

While I slept, Char worked and when I came down for my cereal in the morning she presented me with her gift. She had carefully matched the torn photo pieces and glued them to a white board, the tiny white spaces separating the torn pieces made it look like the giant frame of collage photos had been made with purposely torn photos. It was a beautiful piece of art and it had all my memories carefully preserved, even in their tattered and torn state.

I cried and hugged her and we went to hang the large framed art piece in my room. The next night she carefully and meticulously sewed my little Jourdain bootie and placed it in a frame of its own, so it looked as though it had never been damaged. The same message Rosalie had chosen written in beautiful calligraphy underneath it.

A week passed and I was sitting alone out at the lake when Jasper joined me. He spent most days off with Peter, doing I had no idea what. It was only in the evenings they joined Char and I.

"I want to do something nice for Char." I told him after it seemed like he wasn't going to speak. "She's done so much for me."

"You've been her friend. It means more to her than you know." He answered.

"She's been more of a friend to me than I have to her, opening her home, making me that collage of my torn memories, fixing my babies bootie. I'd like to do something special to say thank you."

He was quiet for a minute. "She's easy to please, anything you do will be more than she expects."

"You're not going to help me?"

"I can run you into town tomorrow to have a look around for something. She and Peter will enjoy the alone time."

"Ok." We fell into a relaxed silence and I noticed how peaceful I found sitting with Jasper was.

We watched as the sun sank behind the mountains that seemed to rise up out of the lake, though Char had taken me to the other side of the lake to see that they really didn't. There was also a very beautiful waterfall hidden over there where we would sit and talk.

The sky darkened to velvet and still we sat out there.

"I've never known a human to be able to sit so still for so long." He finally spoke.

I sighed and laid back in the grass looking up at the purple blue sky. "What do you and Peter do all day?"

"We've re-scented the area, been in town getting various affairs in order and most afternoons we spar."

"Scented the area?" I asked wrinkling my nose.

"The entire valley is owned by us legally but having fresh trails of our scents shows other vampires who might pass, that the area is claimed territory."

"I like it here." I told him as I watched the first stars appear. "Char was right. It feels like the whole world has disappeared and we are in our own little universe. It's peaceful."

"Yes, this is one of my favorite places."

"Char said she thought it was but where are the other places?"

"My first favorite place when I was human was a large maple tree in our yard my brother and I used to climb."

"Really?"

He nodded, "After he died I'd climb it and sit in the high braches. Even when I got older I remember going up it to think, as though the wind in its leaves would whisper my older brothers wisdom back to me with the answers I sought."

"What happened to him?"

"I don't exactly remember. Most of my human life is blurry. I remember that he passed when I was ten or eleven from some kind of illness. He'd have been thirteen at the time."

"What else do you remember?"

"We had a farm, it was small like all the ones in the area but we did well enough. It was a simple life but I remember we were happy. My mother was a sweet woman who cried when I left for the war. She had long blonde hair and smelled like apples and vanilla. Pa was a kind man, he was fair and worked hard, when harvest season came he paid the same three free blacks to come help and he'd even eat midday meal with them instead of segregated as was the way then and he worked harder than anyone. He never took a belt to me or my brother, the only time I ever saw him cry was over my brothers grave and he had wet eyes when he clasped my shoulder and told me how proud he was the day I joined the Confederacy." He stopped seeming to think before continuing, "I don't usually think about it, the memories are all so hazy but the things I find I remember are things like the old maple, my mothers voice singing Christmas carols and my father's warm laugh. It was awhile from when I left home that I was turned, my life had changed so much and the one I lived so content with my family on our little farm seemed far away already."

"Will you tell me about your turning?"

He was quiet a long moment before he lay back in the grass next to me, looking up at the stars beginning to appear in the night sky. "It's not a pretty story."

"I didn't imagine it was."

He sighed, "I was evacuating the last of the people out of Galveston and went back for a final check. As I rode out to meet with my men I came across three women, very beautiful women in fine dresses, the type not seen much in the South around then because of the blockade. I was sure I would have seen them in the town or amongst the other evacuees but night was falling and I couldn't leave three women alone out there no matter how off the situation felt. I got off my horse and went over to them. Maria took a liking to me and ordered her two sisters not to kill me. She looked at me and said 'No. I think I'll keep you.' Then she bit me. I spent three days burning in the deepest fires of hell and when I woke, it was to a world of war, destruction, death and blood. Maria was building up a newborn army to overtake lands; feeding grounds were endlessly battled over in the South. I survived my newborn year, the development of my gift giving me an edge and as quickly as I rose in the Confederate Army, I rose in the ranks of Maria's army. Most don't survive the newborn year, they either die in battle or kill each other and those that don't are simply not useful anymore, so she had them killed. That became one of my tasks, to cull out the ones no longer useful. My other duty was to lead them in battle, to defend her territory or take over new ones. We killed without thought or reason. Over the years, she came to call me Aries, her God of War, our enemies knew me as the Bringer of Death. I had never lost. Retreated and regrouped but never fully failed." He began to explain the carnage that was life with Maria; the constant wariness, the constant battles, the blood and death, destruction and pure evil he was forced to live in. "Eventually I turned Peter. At the end of his newborn year, Maria let him live because she thought he was useful and he was a good soldier, not just in physical strength but in mind as well. He was one of the most deadly she had even after the advanced gifts of the first year faded. She let him live and the fucker stuck to me like glue. I didn't understand it. No one tried to befriend me. In battle Peter was always at my side, I found him useful and despite myself, I liked his company. After his third year I listened to his input in battle plans and about newborns, he became my Second. After a decade, I considered him my friend. When I turned Charlotte with the new batch of battle fodder he couldn't help but watch her, he was protective of her. It wasn't until her year was up and it was our job to kill them that he fully realized she was his mate. He knew he'd probably lose in a fight with me and she would still die. As he crouched in front of her, neither of us wanted it to end like that. He was my brother. Instead of attacking, he ran and I let them go. Maria was furious with me but I was long past her control. I stayed because I knew nothing else, had nothing else but Maria was smart enough to fear me at least in part. However crazy the bitch was, she was to old and to smart not to recognize that I was not to be crossed, even by her. I remained and led her wars but I was not under her control. Five years later, I caught Peter's scent and went to him. Maria would kill him if she found him and I still didn't want to see him dead. Char was with him; they'd come back for me. They explained how there was more than blood and death and war. How differently we could live, that I to could be free, I ran with them, never looking back and Maria was smart enough never to come after me. I had spent a century doing nothing but training, fighting and killing. We all have scars to remind us of the life we led, the monsters Maria turned us into and I was the worst demon of them all. It took some time to adjust to the nomadic, free life with Peter and Char. My gift made things difficult for me as I began to let myself feel as I hadn't since just after I'd woken to that world. They couldn't heal the depression that descended when I opened myself to feeling, it was then I left and found Ali waiting in a diner. I was always wary of other vampires and they could see by the scars that my clothes don't cover just how dangerous I am so they are all equally wary of me. The Pixie jumped up, came over to me grinning, and said she'd been waiting a long time for me. I'd never met anyone like her. I was stunned and for the first time in my vampire existence, I had no idea how to react. Her emotions were joy, excitement and affection. It was overwhelming. For the first time I let myself be fully led by another. She said things would be better soon, that we were going to meet a different kind of vampire, a family we'd become a part of. She was exuding only sincerity and happiness. She was a bright star in my sea of black."

I had reached over and taken his hand at some point during the telling. The sky was now full of stars, shinning brightly down on us. I understood how he had felt about Alice, for me that was Char. "I believe everything happens for a reason. I'm not sure if I have to because I'd go crazy if I didn't but I believe that while we choose our own destiny and forge our own path, the destination is set, fate has a plan and we are led there by events in our lives out of our control. I have to believe it because otherwise all there is, is the sadness, the pain and loss, the anger and hatred. I still feel lost though, like I'm drowning. Char's been my life raft, a light in the dark that has surrounded my life. She asks for nothing but gives me everything."

"Char is a good woman. I couldn't have asked for a better mate for my brother. I'd do anything for either of them, as I believe they would do for me. More so even than the Cullen's, they are my family, live together or apart we are always there for each other. Char loves you. She, none of us Whitlock's, loves easily or lightly and there is nothing we won't do for the people we love."

We fell silent, watching the stars, and I made a wish on one of the three shooting ones I saw that whatever the future brought I would be able to hold onto the perfect peace of this moment.


	10. Chapter 10

**Disclaimer – I do not own Twilight. All recognizable plot and characters belong to the talented Stephanie Meyer.**

**Please review!**

I woke up in my bed with the sun rising, the light streaming over my pillow and my stomach growling in protest at my not eating the night before. The last thing I could remember was watching the stars with Jasper.

I went about my morning rituals, showering, dressing and eating; then ran into Jasper on the stairs.

"Charlotte and Peter already left, we can go to town whenever you are ready."

"Thanks Jasper." I smiled at him and ran up to my room to get my things.

He was waiting on the porch and smiled before pulling me easily on his back and running us to the cabin where only one truck remained.

"Where did they go?"

Jasper shrugged as he climbed into the truck, "Didn't ask."

I climbed in beside him and watched him as he drove, "Jasper?"

"Yes?" He flicked his gaze to me and I shifted uncomfortably, he seemed so reserved, so serious today.

"Is everything ok?"

"Fine." He nodded and turned his attention back to the road.

"Did I do something?"

His gaze shot back to me, "No." He frowned, "Why are you upset?" I shrugged and looked away from him. "Bella, I can feel your confusion, disappointment, pain and worry. An interesting cocktail and I'd like to know why you feel like that."

"You seem upset."

He looked surprised again, "I'm sorry."

"I didn't do anything?"

"No." He seemed to hesitate. "You still feel comfortable with me?"

"Why wouldn't I?"

"Bella, I wasn't exaggerating the things I did. Believe it or not I edited the worst parts of the things I took part in."

I reached over and squeezed his arm, "You survived and got out though."

He watched me for a minute before turning his attention back to the road and pulling into a parking lot. "You always surprise me." He told me.

"Is that a good thing?" I asked him unsure.

He sent me a smile, "In this case it is. Come on."

I followed him out of the car and we went into the store.

We spent the morning wandering around and shopping, it was fun to just hang out with him. He was so laid back and fun, the time just flew by as we teased each other and chatted about everything and nothing. I found a beautiful necklace for Char and hung it on her room door handle with a card that read: _Char. Its good to have a true friend, thank you for being mine. ~Bella_

We went home after he stopped at a diner for me to eat lunch. It was to cold to sit outside, at least for me, so I stayed in the house and read for the afternoon and Jasper suggested cards after I'd eaten supper. We watched scary movies and I went to bed very late. Peter and Char still weren't back the next day so I spent another easy day in Jasper's company. He was teaching me poker but his gift could always tell my hand, even when I wasn't blushing, giggling or frowning at my hand.

It was late the following day that Char came back and life fell into an easy pattern. She had loved the necklace and hugged me tightly, her eyes coated with venom. The next day she had brought home one for me that was almost exactly the same but the stones were a different color, saying we should have one from each other as a mark of our friendship. I couldn't help the moisture in my eyes as I hugged her. I never protested the gift. It had too much meaning, even if it was a tad expensive and she had done too much for me already. We both wore them every day.

The cold weather descended quickly, limiting my outdoor activities but Char didn't seem to mind. The days all blended together and I wasn't quite sure what we did with the time. It went so quickly and yet we didn't exactly _do_ anything. None of us were working, there were no errands but for the one weekly grocery trip that I could no longer go on. It was just to freaking cold to travel via vampire back in the snow. September had become December in the blink of an eye.

"Bella?"

"Yes Char?"

"Peter says company is coming."

"What?" I jumped up from where I was reading on the leather chair by the fire and turned to her in concern.

"No one will hurt you." She told me. "We would never let anyone."

I nodded, "Is it friendly company then?"

She shrugged, "He didn't say who, just that someone was coming tonight." I shifted, uncomfortable as I thought about it. "I swear you will always be safe with us Bella."

"It's not that. It's just…" I met her eyes and knew she would understand, "I'm not ready yet."

"Ready for what?"

I shrugged, "To face the world again. To see them."

"Sugar, Peter would have said if it was a Cullen and they would have called Jasper first, they call and they've all given him ways to contact them. Carlisle and Esme are on their island in South America, Alice is in Paris, Emmett and Rosalie are in Scotland for the holidays and Edward knows not to come here."

"What do you mean he knows not to come here?" She looked away, "Char?"

"Peter told me Jasper didn't handle the situation in Ontario very well. He warned Edward that he'd better stay far from the Whitlock family, far from you, for a very long time."

"That was sweet of him."

She shot me a look, "Sugar, warnings from the Major are not usually sweet."

"Not for Edward I imagine but it was sweet of him to care."

She shook her head, "You are the strangest person I've ever met." She murmured.

"Char?"

"Jasper told us he told you about his change, about Maria and the Southern Wars a while back."

I nodded, "I didn't think it was right to talk about behind his back, even if you were there and I didn't want to ask you about your time unless you wanted to talk to me about it. I wasn't trying to hide that I knew about how you came into this life."

"I know Sugar." She smiled at me, "I also know that your attitude towards me didn't change one whit. Not to any of us."

"Why would it?"

"I killed people Bella. Not bad people but all people, men, women and children."

"You had no choice."

She sighed and shook her head, "Sugar, when Peter and I escaped, when the Major let us go, we didn't stop feeding the way we always had. For a long time we fed on whoever smelled the best. It wasn't until after Jasper's depression began that we began to change the way we hunted our prey, it began as a way to help him. We thought the emotions of his victims were getting to him because he was opening up his own emotions and if the people were already dying or were evil then he wouldn't feel so bad. It didn't work and he still left us but it had caused Peter and I to think about things, about who we were and the type of people we wanted to be. We're vampires, mostly we see humans as your Polar Bears would see a seal; they are our prey. Our enjoyment of interacting with them and joining in on their activities, like gambling, dancing and the like grew with time and was made possible through our growing human conscious's but it took time and often we somewhat look down on them."

"So I would be a pet or something?"

"Special Bella." She told me intently, "You are very special, to all of us. I love you like a true sister."

"I love you to Char."

"Would you consider it?"

"Consider what?"

"Being a Whitlock."

My last name was the last tie I had to Luc and while part of me wanted to let go of everything, a small part of me still held on to that. I wasn't sure what to say to her, so I teased her instead, "You want to adopt me? How sweet."

"Jasper" Was her only response.

"You want Jasper to adopt me?" I laughed.

"I want him to bite you." Her quiet words shocked me and I stared at her.

"You want Jasper to change me?"

She nodded and bit her lip, "I know the Cullen's were talking about it but everything happened before they could bring it up. You could still choose them if you wanted to." She added the last while avoiding looking at me.

"Charlotte?"

She sighed and met my eyes, "I'm sorry. It's not fair to ask you for this. I told you when we came here, I'm selfish, I don't want to lose my friend and you are more than that now, you're my sister."

I bit back tears but smiled at her, "It's not selfish Char. I don't want to lose you either. I'm so tired of losing the people I love most."

"He'd be able to stop Bella. Jasper hasn't only changed Peter and I, he changed several over the years with Maria. We are the only ones that lived past the initial year but there were others. I know it was a long time ago but he'd still be able to stop."

"I trust him."

"So you'll think about it then and until then we won't pressure you." She nodded as though to end the discussion, then turned immediately back to what we had previously been talking about. "So the guest coming tonight will not bother you, we'll all protect you if it turns out they are less than friendly."

I nodded, "Ok, Char. I trust you."

That night I went to bed without the promised visitor arriving but he was there when I woke up. He was a slightly disheveled looking nomad with bright red eyes, longish black hair and a slightly sinister smile.

"Good Morning." I greeted him. He nodded and watched me as I went into the kitchen to get a pop tart. After I ate, I went back up to my room, something about him bothered me a little bit but I knew as long as Jasper, Peter and Char were here, I was safe.

"You ok Sugar?" Char came into my room an hour later.

"Fine." I shrugged sitting up, "Who is the visitor?"

"He's a nomad from Spain passing through. We've never met him before."

"Where is he?"

"Talking with Jasper and Peter" She told me, "I think he is looking for something, I don't know but Peter asked me to come check on you."

"I'm fi…" My words were cut off at a loud crash downstairs. Char disappeared and I ran to the windows to see Jasper walking calmly off the porch. Peter was standing there crouched and Charlotte came up behind him, putting her hand on his back. The nomad was crouched in a fighting stance and I watched as Jasper just walked calmly towards him. The nomad must have said something because I heard a terrifying roar come from Jasper and the nomad dropped to his knees trembling. His eyes were darting about wildly, his head shooting from side to side, then to Peter and Char before looking back to Jasper and I imagined speaking again. Jasper just shook his head and walked up to the man before tearing his head off. I gasped, my hand going to my mouth and I saw Jasper turn to look up at me; his eyes black and his expression hard. He dropped the head and took off into the woods.

Char came up a moment later. "Our guest is leaving."

"Leaving? He has no head."

She shrugged, "Fused back on."

"Gross." I made a face and Charlotte laughed, huge, gut wrenching belly laughs. "Char?" I questioned her.

"You know all about our pasts, you know about the humans and vampires we've killed, that when we leave here we go to drink blood, human blood and you just saw Jasper rip someone's head off but it's the reattachment capabilities that freaks you out." She was still giggling.

"Hey everyone has their ick factor, bodily reattachment is mine." I told her unable to hold back a grin.

She let out another giggle and I couldn't help but join in. Once we were calm, I turned to her, "Hey Char?"

"Hmm?" She replied still smiling.

My next words pulled it from her face, "What happened?"

"There are certain things you don't do in the vampire world, coveting or insulting a mate is one of them. Peter is not a forgiving man. A comment was made about me and he lost his temper and threw him through a window."

"So why did Jasper rip his head off?"

"I told you Bella, threats from Jasper aren't sweet."

"Warnings, you said warnings from Jasper aren't sweet. It's not the same as a threat which tends to be worse but what I meant was if it was about you why was Jasper the angry one?"

"I'm his sister, born from his venom and he is the head of our coven so to an extent I am his responsibility."

"There's more."

"He made a comment about you. Jasper gave him a little warning. He made a comment about me and Pete threw him through the window. Idiot chose to make another comment about you and Jasper gave him a proper warning with his gift and then made his point leaving the nomad with the threat of a lot worse if they crossed paths again."

"What did he say?"

"He said you were a pretty little pet. Jasper told him you were not a pet and were off limits so he turned his attention to me." She looked down at her hands; "He said the scars ruined me so he could see why they had you to play with."

"Char!" I gasped and jumped up running into her arms, "Don't you dare even consider giving weight to his words; you are beautiful, inside and out. Your scars show how strong you are, how much you've overcome, they are part of you and every part of you is beautiful and good. He was just jealous that they had someone like you, so strong and smart that you survived and he was alone and had no hopes of ever getting a mate so beautiful and perfect."

She hugged me tightly, "Thank you Bella."

"I'm glad Jasper ripped his head off." I told her fiercely.

She laughed and hugged me again, "You still amaze me all the time Bella."

"Yeah, yeah, I'm weird, I know."

She laughed again, "Special Bella, you're very special."

"So' he's reattached" I made another face making her giggle again "his head, and left. Good Riddance. Where did Jasper go?"

She looked away, "I don't think he meant for you to see him like that."

"Why was he so angry? He seemed mostly calm when he first stepped off the porch."

"The Major is scariest when he pulls on that cold, calm mask. Stupid fuck, growled at him and said Peter overreacted, he wouldn't want me but he'd like a taste of your body and blood." I was pretty sure she'd edited a little but I got the idea. "The Cullen's might have talked it out but most vampires respond more to actions. The nomad knows he is no match for Jasper and wont return."

"So why is he upset he defended us?"

She sighed, "I think he's upset he might have scared you."

"A vampire had his head ripped off of course it scared me, not that Jasper could or would do it but that he needed to. The last thing I need is a sadistic vampire attempting to hunt me down and kill me or the few people left alive that I care about."

"James and Victoria didn't know who Jasper was Sugar and under that mask of civility he wasn't just fighting his blood lust but most of his instincts as well. They might not have been so quick to oppose him if they had been aware of who and what he was."

"The God of War and the Bringer of Death."

"Exactly." She nodded, "Jasper is still trying to find balance within himself over the things he's seen and done, the demon and man he has been. He doesn't want you to start to be afraid of him, you know what he has done but to see what he is capable of is something else."

"Well if it was a human man I might say it was excessive but that was a vampire, he can just" I wrinkled my nose in disgust, "reattach himself and be on his way."

She giggled at the face I made, "That really freaks you out."

"It's gross, body parts fusing back together, I can picture an arm wiggling on the ground as a dismembered corpse tried to reassemble itself."

She laughed at my face and words and then the horrified expression on my face when she told me that was sort of what happened which was why the parts needed to be burned.

I tossed a book at her as she laughed.

"Everything ok up here?" Peter asked coming in and smiling at his still giggling mate.

"Peachy." I told him a little sarcastically, "Now get your mate to stop laughing at me."

"He can remove my finger so you can watch it reconnect." She offered giggling while I made fake retching sounds and then began to giggle as well.

He looked from one of us to the other with a confused expression.

"Bella thinks its gross we can fuse a severed body part back on. The blood and killing and being technically dead thing is fine but the reattaching of body parts freaks her out."

"Ok, ok, I told you everyone has their ick point, that is mine. Now the nomad is gone can we just get back to our normal day?"

"Fine." She told me sticking out her tongue.

"I'll need to go into town and get glass to fix that window. You'll need warm clothes downstairs till it's in Bella."

"Ok. I'll come along." Char wiggled her eyebrows at me and I rolled my eyes laughing.

"Have fun then, I wont expect you for a while." I told her as she disappeared out the door deliberately brushing against her mate as she went. "I'm going to get a book and stay up here where it's warm today." I went to move past Peter but he stopped me and pulled me into his arms. "Pete?"

"Thank you." He whispered.

"For what?"

"You." He told me with a wink before disappearing after his mate.

I went downstairs to find a new book to read before making tea and going back up to my nice warm attic.

When I went downstairs again I heard movement in Jasper's room. Fear made my heart beat faster at the thought of the nomad coming back.

"Jazz?" I called out.

The door opened and Jasper was standing there, avoiding my gaze, "Yes Bella."

I sighed in relief, "Just checking it was you." I smiled at him. "Peter and Char went to get glass cut for the window and commune with nature." I chuckled. He nodded. "You ok Jasper?" I asked, concerned by his melancholia. I hoped today hadn't brought back to many bad memories for him. Did vampires suffer PTSD?

He watched me for a minute and I knew he was reading my emotions before he nodded, "I'm fine. Are you alright?"

"Me?" I frowned at him, "I'm fine. I was safe up in my room the whole time."

"Bella, what I did…" he wouldn't look at me while he spoke.

"You protected me and defended Char." I told him quietly, "Threatening him was the only way to be sure he knew not to fuck with our family."

"I ripped off his head."

I shrugged, "It'll grow back." I made a face at the mental picture that created, "Ok, that's worse, I think I might be less eww'd by the fusing thing now."

His eyes shot to my face and I could tell he was reading my emotions again. It was the first time the silence between us made me feel awkward and I shifted on my feet. "So um, I was just going to make tea when I heard you in here. I'll let you get back to what you were doing." I hesitated, "You are ok though right? I mean, I don't want you to suffer alone if you're having Maria flashbacks or something."

I seemed to have stunned him again and his eyes shot to my face, "I, uh, I mean." He growled, "Bella you cannot be this calm. You saw me tear a man's head off a couple hours ago."

"A vampire who just fused it back on and ran along his merry way. Besides, you're the empath, if I were freaking out, you would know." I told him rolling my eyes and turning to walk down stairs. Fuck it was cold down there.

Instantly Jasper was handing me a blanket and had lifted me onto the counter. He set about making my tea, not saying anything.

"Jazz?"

"I'm fine Bella. No flashbacks. I promise." He told me, teasing me lightly but I could see something almost unidentifiable in his eyes. A minute later, he handed me a mug, "Go on back upstairs, it's to cold for you until the window is fixed."

"Thanks." I smiled at him and went upstairs.

Char came back and brought me warm soup, apparently even two floors up in the nice warm attic they were worried about me being cold with the broken window because she brought at least three extra blankets with her, two fleece and one furry one.

Peter brought up the scrabble and the four of us played until my eyes started to droop. I noticed a few looks pass between Peter and Jasper but let it go. It was a pleasant evening.

The glass would take four days to arrive and then the store broke it cutting it. The next piece arrived in three days, luckily, it was cut properly, and Jasper and Peter installed it expertly.

I happily moved about the kitchen making tea and went to plop myself down on the sofa. It was good to be out of my attic.

"Hey Pete."

"Yeah?" He answered coming down the stairs at my call though I'd spoken as if he were in the room already. Unlike the Cullen's the Whitlock's rarely pretended to act human just because I was there, they moved at preternaturally quick speeds and would sit still as statues for hours. Usually they spoke at my speed out of respect but that was it so I was even more comfortable with the extra speed, hearing, and strength thing than before.

"Next time there is a dumb nomad visiting can you do me a favor?"

"Sure." He shrugged sitting down as Jasper and Charlotte came into the room as well.

"Can you just rip off his arm or fingers or something instead of shoving him through a window." Charlotte burst out laughing. "What?" I asked her, fighting a smile, "It seems more effective to get him to stop being a dumb fuck and I might go crazy confined to that room."

"You just suggested dismemberment over getting a chill. You might already be crazy." She laughed.

Making me laugh with her, "The cold I can handle the three hovering vampires who wont let me risk getting a chill is what will drive me crazy."

"Fine dismemberment it is." Pete laughed.

I saw Char look away and knew what she was thinking. I'd been thinking about it a lot the last week. If I'd been a vampire, I wouldn't have been cold. I wouldn't have had to be afraid of the nomad coming in the first place. I just wasn't sure I wanted to live forever, not when my parents, Paul, Luc and my Esme Carlie were waiting for me. Paul, I wondered if he'd be angry. Of course, he would be but he'd called me a leach lover to the end and I knew the pack believed I would eventually look to find the Cullen's. My parents would want me to be happy, of that, I was mostly sure. What about my husband and daughter? Would they understand why I never joined them in heaven? Would they always be waiting for me there? Would I be alone and mourning all of the people that I loved, for eternity? I loved Char, Pete and Jazz but could I give up seeing my daughter again to stay with my sister? What about when Jasper found a mate? What if she didn't like me? Why did the idea of Jasper finding a mate hurt so much? Would I be alone? Would finding a mate be a betrayal of Luc and Esme Carlie?

"Bella?" Char's soft voice broke into my thoughts and I realized I had been drifting in my thoughts for a while.

"What's wrong Darlin?" Jasper's voice was low and soft, his Southern drawl was soothing but made me want to cry more.

I met Char's eyes, "I'm going to bed." I whispered. Getting up and going to my room where in my dreams I'd still see Luc dancing slowly with our daughter to slow jazz music and he'd reach his hand out to me and say, "Dance with me cher. I just want to hold you awhile." Or I'd see Paul, he'd be standing at the cliffs of La Push and he'd phase from his silver wolf to the man I had loved to hate and hated to love. "Jump with me." He'd tell me his hand outstretched to me. I would never have those dreams again if I gave up sleeping.

I wasn't sure when I started to cry but as I lay in bed the tears came and I sobbed for all that I had lost. Char slipped into my room and curled onto the bed beside me.

"What's wrong Sugar?"

"I don't want to be alone for eternity." I whispered back.

"You're a Whitlock, you'd never be alone." She whispered back, running her cool fingers over my heated brow and tucking a strand of hair behind my ear.

"I'd never get to be with Luc and Esme Carlie."

She held me in her arms as I let myself cry out the pain of missing them. I cried myself to sleep while she hummed gently and held me.


	11. Chapter 11

**Disclaimer – I do not own Twilight. All recognizable plot and characters belong to the talented Stephanie Meyer.**

**Please review!**

Christmas in the Whitlock home was interesting and the most fun I'd had. Peter and Jasper went out for a tree while Char and I made decorations. We strung up lights and decorated it with our homemade ornaments. We hung stockings with our names stitched on them over the fireplace and then sang Christmas carols. After my dinner, we watched old Christmas movies until midnight when we opened our stockings of gifts. We had only been allowed to spend fifty dollars on each other; all the rest of the 'Christmas Fund' went to a charity of the winner's choice, winner of what I still wasn't sure.

Char opened hers first and pulled out a beautiful silver bracelet I had found in town and a tube of paint and a brush from Jasper and Peter. At my confused expression, she told me that "Gifts that don't fit in the stocking have to be represented somehow."

Peter shrugged. "They get presented last." He seemed to shift, unsure of himself though I wasn't sure why.

"Ok. Your turn." I told him smiling.

Peter got a silver superman belt buckle from me, a golf ball from Jazz, I wasn't sure what the significance was but they exchanged a mischievous look I knew spelled trouble and he got a little box from Char I didn't ask about, judging from his smile I really didn't want to know.

"Bella?" Jasper turned to me.

"You first." I told him blushing. He shook his head so I opened my stocking and found a beautiful soft leather bound journal from Jasper, a pair of white gold earrings from Char and a folded piece of paper from Peter that was a picture of the night sky.

I frowned at him but he just winked, "You'll see." He looked nervous again but quickly hid it as he turned to Jasper, "You go."

Peter and Char gave Jasper a picture of his own helmet that they had gotten decorated with Major Whitlock on the back in blue lettering with blue fire all around. To which Char explained that Jasper's greatest city life joy was his Ducati. I blushed as he opened my gift and felt a wave of gratitude and pleasure come from him. I had found a photo of a large old maple tree on a farm and put it on the front of a maple memory box, under the photo, I had inscribed; _In the wind through the leaves I hear you whisper your wisdom_.

"I thought you might have broken memories of your own worth keeping safe." I whispered.

"Thank you Darlin." The emotions he sent with the words filled me with joy. I had been nervous about the gift and was glad he liked it.

"Char's turn." Peter spoke up.

"Right." Jasper carefully set the box on the coffee table and took her hand, they led us up to Jasper's room and in the center was a beautiful new easel and paints.

She hugged them both excitedly and went to run her fingers over the wood while I looked around Jasper's study. I'd never been in here before. It had a couch and two chairs, a coffee table and a large desk and every inch of wall space asides from a small gas fireplace was shelves full of books.

"As interesting as this peak into our great Major's mind is. I do believe you still have a gift." Peter told me pulling my hand. He stopped us at the door and handed me a jacket. He hesitated before opening the door as he led us out. "It's ok if you don't like it."

"I'm sure I'll love it." I smiled at him. Outside a battered telescope had been set near the lake, "You got me a telescope?" I asked, a little confused.

"No." He laughed, it's mine, I just brought it from the stopping cabin." He pulled me gently over to the telescope and looked in it then motioned me to look.

As I did he spoke, "I don't remember my past really well, I don't even know my last name. All that I remember is that I was married for a short time to a native girl I had loved since I was a kid. She was very sick for a time and died not long after we'd married. The only thing I remember about her at all is how tiny a woman she was as she lay in that bed. Not her name or her voice or why I'd loved her, just that I did, with everything I was I loved all of her. I do remember the preacher told me after she died that 'The Loved are with us though they die, we think of them as in the sky. They are with us in the loneliest spot and in the greatest crowd, we forget them not.' I saw that quote once and the memory came back clear as yesterday. I didn't understand what he'd meant so I asked her brother about it that same night and he said that all I had to do was look to the sky at night and I would see the light of her love shining down on me from heaven. After that, for a long time, I'd watch the stars and they reminded me that I was never alone."

I had stopped looking at the stars as he spoke and now stood looking at him, "That's beautiful."

"I always thought when you died your soul became a star." He told me sheepishly, "I might never die and hell if I perish I'd probably be going the other way. I do know what it is to lose the people you love and to feel alone. I also know that because of Jasper I have a name and a brother, a life and a mate. My eternity will never be spent alone and while I don't remember her much, my wife is always with me to. Having loved her and the memory of her love for me helps me to be a better man and better mate to my Char."

I swiped at the tears as he moved to pick up a box from the ground. "This is to remind you that whatever you choose, you will never live one day alone and you will never be without Esme Carlie.

I opened the box he handed me and looked inside, there was a framed picture of the night sky with a star circled with the name Esme Carlie next to it. The bottom of the frame was inscribed with, _The loved are with us though they die, we think of them as in the sky. The light of their love, like the stars, shines down on us to remember._

"I had that star named after Esme Carlie. So you can always look up at the sky and see your daughter and remember that she is always with you in the darkest night or the lightest hour."

I hugged him crying. "Thank you.

"I'm as selfish as my mate and want to keep you but whatever you decide, you are never and will never be alone." He whispered back.

Once I had pulled myself together and away from him, we went back inside where Char insisted I drink a cup of hot cocoa to warm up. I fell asleep as Jasper's soothing voice read A Christmas Carol.

I couldn't have dreamed of a better Christmas. It was simple, beautiful and heartfelt, just the four of us together. We were family.

In the morning when I woke up it was apparently time for the game. Jasper and Peter would fight it out in the yard and the first one fully submerged in the lake lost. Winner picked the Christmas Charity. They were almost to fast to watch but it was hilarious.

"Watch the fish Pete." I called as the sparing led them to the shallow water. He growled but I had successfully distracted him for the millisecond it took for Jasper to fling him into the middle of the lake. I laughed and bolted inside to hide from Peter who was grumbling about cheating women. I let Char consol him.

"Well Darlin, which charity shall we choose?" Jasper asked sitting on the couch near me.

"You won." I shrugged.

"You helped." He winked.

"You'd have won anyways."

He turned to smile at me, "Still like your input."

"Well it's Christmas, how about you donate it to something like building homes for families who can't afford a proper roof for their children let alone presents."

"That's a great idea Darlin." I'll look into it; find a family that really deserves it.

"What's wrong Jazz?"

He frowned at me, "Nothin."

"Jasper?"

"How do you do that? I know I'm not projecting."

"I don't really know. It's in your body language, in your eyes and I just feel like there is something, maybe you are subconsciously projecting or something."

"The Cullen's want us to spend New Year's with them. They asked me to ask you."

I hesitated, "I don't think I'm ready."

"What are you hiding from?"

I sighed and leaned into his shoulder, "I love them so much but I still feel so hurt by them. I still don't understand how they seem to love me so much and to want me but how easy it was for them to just leave and not look back."

"Are you angry with them?"

"I'm sad with them if that makes sense. I'm angry and hurt about Edward, what he did, destroying my few special memories like that, I'm not sure I'm ready to forgive it and that doesn't even begin to touch on the way he left me and took all of you. I never wanted not to talk to any of them. It hurt when he left, it nearly killed me that the rest did."

"And me?"

"You are my island in the storm." I told him with a sigh. "You, Pete and Char are everything to me. My family. You bring me peace and love and you ease all the pain and sorrow of my life." His arm tightened around me and I sighed again, "Will you do it now Jazz. Here while I feel nothing but the peace of us."

"Are you sure?" He asked, turning me to look in my eyes, knowing what I was saying without asking.

I nodded, "I don't want to forget the past but I'm ready to move on from it. I have a new family. One I don't ever want to lose. I've lost enough family. So have you, Char and Pete. Wherever life takes us all, it should be together."

He turned me gently and our eyes met. "I'm sorry." He whispered.

I reached out, tracing his cheekbone with my fingertips, I knew he was apologizing for the pain, maybe even for wanting to turn me, to take away the prospect of peace in death, "There is nothing to forgive." I knew everything I was losing, but what I was keeping, what I was gaining, was worth the risk. The Whitlock's were worth it.

Jasper pulled me gently into his arms and flooded me with peace, relaxation and euphoria. I never felt his teeth puncture the delicate skin of my neck.

I felt flames licking through my veins and embraced them, I let them cleanse me of the pain while reminding me of all the people I had loved, I let the flames burn the memories into me, embracing the change they would bring. I refused to scream. I was burning in the deepest fires of hell, I was mourning and letting go of the past, and through it all I felt the hope for a future with my family; the love of Char, my light in the darkness and the peace of Jasper, my island in the storm.


	12. Chapter 12

**Disclaimer – I do not own Twilight. All recognizable plot and characters belong to the talented Stephanie Meyer.**

**Please review!**

JPOV

She was amazing. I couldn't describe it. I had known she was special in Forks. The little that I knew her, I had seen something, felt it in her emotions, she was unique and beautiful. I felt bad for suggesting we kill her in the beginning. It hadn't taken me long to see she was special, her life meant something. I wasn't sure what but I knew she was special. Every time I felt the purity, the beauty and the strength of her emotions, I could feel how special she was. She was worth it. I told her so in Phoenix. I knew then that if I had to become the demon I used to be to keep her safe, I would, she was worth it. Alice saw and it scared her. I scared her and still she loved me, she believed in me. Her faith and love gave me strength. Alice was special. She always had been and I loved her but I knew that for Bella I would still become the thing Alice feared. I would keep the girl safe. Edward couldn't. He refused to embrace any part of his vampire side. Vampires existed much like animals at times. We lived through instincts. Fucking, fighting and feeding. Edward was a virgin, his fight or flight was set strictly on flight and he fought every instinct to feed. Bella was his singer and he fought the instinct to feed, he pushed himself to go longer and longer without drinking. The only thing making him hunt as often as he was now was his fight for control near Bella. No. Edward couldn't keep her safe. Not from our kind. But I could. The demon in me could keep her safe from any threat.

Any threat but me.

Her eighteenth birthday had taught me that.

A paper cut and I had ruined everything. The smell of her blood, so sweet, so intoxicating. I wanted to put her finger in my mouth and lick up the droplets of heaven being wasted on the rug. Then a wave of blood lust hit me and I had to have her. I had to taste the blood before another got to her. It came at me in stronger waves and I ran at her. The blood would be mine. She was mine. Only mine. No one else could have her. I wouldn't let them taste that sweet nectar, that translucent skin, no one but me would hold her, touch her, take her.

I saw red when Edward shoved her back. Instantly more of her blood scent filled the air. The waves of blood lust assaulted me. I wasn't sure whether to attack the threats around me or go straight for the sweet smelling blood. Emotions were assailing me and I wasn't sure which were mine anymore. She was special. That was the most prevalent feeling. Over the blood lust and confusion, something in me screamed that she was special, she was worth it. I let Emmett force me outside. The clean air hit me as the blood lust of the others faded. I began to run. What had I done? I still hated myself for it. I had tried to attack her. She was special, worth becoming a monster for. After the summer, over which she spent almost every day here in our home, I knew it more than I had the previous spring. Bella was special and I had almost taken her life. I had wanted her blood, wanted her more than anything. I'd wanted to burn Edward for touching her, she was mine, he'd thrown her into a glass table, spilled that sweet smelling nectar, wasted it. She was to precious to waste. My thoughts were confusing. The blood lust tinged them and under it was something else. Something I was afraid to analyze. Instead, I focused on my failure. I had nearly slipped again, not just to drink from a human but to drink Bella. Alice loved her, Edward loved her, they all did. I could feel it, I basked in it whenever she was around. I basked in all of her emotions. She was pure, she was good, she was special. I wanted to protect her but I had almost ended her.

Edward made us leave her. His lust that day had nearly consumed us both. He tried to blame me but I knew, as he knew, that he had been focused on me partly to defend his prey. He had wanted her blood more than anything. He broke her heart though and she wanted nothing to do with any of us. We could do that for her. Leave her alone. I had nearly killed her. Why would she want me near her?

It hurt Alice the most. She went to see Bella one day. She was sitting in a chair looking out the window, not moving. It broke Alice's heart. Esme sobbed at the loss of her daughter. Emmett moped. I'd never seen him to quiet and withdrawn. Rosalie was angry at Edward. He had brought her into our lives and Emmett had loved her. How could he have done this to them, to Bella? He should have left her alone from the beginning. Rosalie also missed Bella's emotions. She was so open, she always tried no matter how bitchy Rose was to her, Bella was always kind and made Rose feel happy. The truth only I knew was that Rose liked Bella. I could feel it in her emotions.

The emotional turmoil was too much. Under their personal shit was pity, sadness and a bitterness that I had caused it all. Every time I looked at Alice I felt guilty. She was so sad. She didn't have a trace of anger or blame for me though. Seeing me made her sad. Everything made her sad. Bella was her best friend, her sister and Bella didn't want to even see her. Edward had told us. Bella wanted a clean break. She didn't want to have to be afraid of a paper cut, especially not when she was so clumsy.

After a month, Alice finally set me free. She called Peter and told me to go stay with them. I loved her, I wanted to take care of her but once again she was taking care of me. My beautiful Alice, my happy pixie who never blamed me for being a demon, I would miss her. She was right though. Alice was always right. It was time to stop pretending. It had almost killed Bella. I wasn't this man. Alice promised me I'd never have to be that demon again and I believed her, I never doubted her but I wasn't this guy either. I was a vampire. I needed to stop pretending and just be. It was a precarious balance but over the next three years I felt better than I had before. I wasn't pretending anymore. Not with anything. Alice was still my light in the dark. My best friend. I could always count on her. I was home now though, back with my brother and sister. It was where I belonged. I mixed my diet eating criminals and animals alike. My control grew as I simply relaxed. I'd always been on edge before, always afraid to slip. Now that I wasn't afraid of slipping, the blood lust was actually lower.

I was still close with the Cullen's. Except Edward. I reminded him of his own weakness. Or what he saw as his weakness. He wanted to blame me but we both knew I wasn't why he'd left her. I let him hate me though. He was hurting without her. He loved her. I could feel it the few times I saw him since. Mostly he stayed away too. He tracked Victoria. He was a shit tracker but I'd warned him she might be a danger to Bella. Her and Laurent both should be watched. It wasn't my place though. Edward made that clear.

Then came the visit to them that changed everything again. Alice had a vision of Bella. She was in danger. We had respected her wish for us not to be in her life but we couldn't let anything happen to her. We loved her. I also owed her. I had tried to kill her. I had failed Carlisle, failed Bella, I wouldn't do so again.

With Bella's return to our life I was amazed again with the purity and strength of her emotions. Under all of them was a note of sadness that broke my heart. She was special. Bella had always been special. She hadn't deserved to suffer. I would live another hundred years as Maria's demon, drowning in the pain, sorrow, hate and evil of all those emotions if I could somehow undo it all. If I could just bring them all back and reverse her pain. So much of which was my fault. I should have gone after Victoria and Laurent. I had known. I'd told Edward. Why hadn't he listened? He said he'd take care of it. I knew he wouldn't. He was a bad tracker and when he found Victoria what? He wasn't a fighter. I was. I was the soldier. I was the one who could protect her. I had failed her. She was special, she was worth becoming the demon again. I had known it from that first summer. I had let my fear of my own messed up emotions rule me. I had continued to drown my own instincts in fear of what I used to be and she'd suffered for it. Bella. Her suffering was my fault. I knew she was special. Knew I needed to protect her. I'd failed her. Failed Carlisle. Failed Alice. Failed Bella.

Bella didn't blame me. She wouldn't let me atone for my sins. Her affection was pure. She truly felt there was no need for my apologies. She did not fear me or hate me. There were no negative emotions at all when she looked at me, nothing but that soul deep sorrow that lay under all her emotions. Even my eyes, Peter and Charlotte's eyes, they didn't phase her. She trusted them, she trusted me, I just couldn't understand how or why.

We gave her space anyways. I didn't want to crowd her.

"Jasper?"

"Carlisle." I smiled at my adopted father/brother figure.

"How is she doing?" He looked worriedly through the trees towards the house.

"Well." I told him honestly, "She's sad but doing remarkably well all things considered."

"She seems happy though doesn't she? Happy to be here with us? You don't think she'll leave? Or ask us to leave again? I don't know that we could give her that again. She suffered so much. I should have been there. I know she wanted us to leave her alone but how can I risk her going through more pain alone?"

"She's… content here."

"Content?"

"Happiness and sadness are an odd blend. The sadness is always there but so is the affection for all of you. I think in time she will be happy again. I can feel it there, not as often as any of us would like but it takes time. Like you said, she's been through a lot."

"Esme wants to turn her."

"Esme does?"

"We all do." He sighed. "I know she's not sick or dying but she could be. Being without her for four years was hard. I don't want to lose her forever. Bella is…"

"Special." I supplied.

He nodded, "She's my daughter." I could feel the love and sadness welling up in him. "It's different. Edward was my first friend in this life. Esme is my mate. You are more like a younger brother than a son, you've always been so strong and in charge of your own life. You've never needed me or Esme. Never needed a parent to love and guide you. I know this life isn't the right one for you Jasper and it's not my place to judge you but I look at you for strength and guidance, maybe more than you ever looked to me."

"Me?" I was surprised. I had always felt like I was the most troubling to him. I had failed him as a son. Why would he look to me for anything?

He nodded, "You are so strong. You've embraced who you are. It took me a vey long time to be square with myself. To balance my instincts with myself as a man. I know you struggled with it and you chose a different path than I did but your honor and loyalty have always been a strength to me."

"I'm sorry I failed you Carlisle. Failed at this life."

He shook his head, "You never failed me Jasper or failed this life. You chose a different path, not a worse one, just a different one. You are better able to embrace what we are. I try but I am still afraid of it as well. You do not need to atone for what you are or who you are because you are a good man."

"Not as good as you."

"I did not live your life Jasper, if I had, I might not have turned out as honorable, loyal and good as you. We cannot judge ourselves on the lives of others. You are a good man and a good friend, a brother and I hope you always remember you are a member of our family, vegetarian or not, we are, I am, proud of you, proud to call you brother."

I sent him a wave of love and appreciation, "As I am proud to call you my brother." He reminded me of my human older brother, wise and comforting, supportive, loyal, un-judgmental and kind.

He sighed again, "You know Emmett is a son to me in many ways. We are less close than I would like but I've always loved him."

"I know. I always felt it. He knows to."

Carlisle nodded, "Rosalie is a good daughter, she is strong and independent but she hated me for changing her in the beginning. Before Emmett she wished I had just let her die. She and Esme are like sisters. Seeing her happy is a relief but I wonder if I will ever not feel just a little guilty."

"Alice?"

"I miss Alice. So does Esme. She's in Paris more often than with us and even when she is with us, she is not herself really."

"She's still your daughter."

Carlisle nodded, "And I love her and will always be there when she needs me."

"But?"

He shook his head, "Bella is different."

"She's special." I agreed.

"I want to change her. I hate the idea that we might lose her again and I am terrified she will ask us to leave her to her life again."

A troubling thought came to me and I was almost afraid to voice it, "What if she never wanted you to?"

"Jasper?" Carlisle frowned at me, "Edward said… he would lie about that. He wouldn't make us suffer or hurt her like that."

"Not even if he thought it was to protect her?" Carlisle frowned in thought. I didn't want to cause problems for him and Edward. The two were already at odds more than I had ever seen them. "She's here now. We can't change the past Carlisle but she seems happy to move beyond it."

He nodded, "Is it selfish to want to change her?"

I nodded, "Yes but we are selfish creatures both as men and vampires. The important thing isn't our wants being or not being selfish. It's what we do about it."

"Changing her would be selfish. It would be stealing her life."

"Or giving her one." I countered.

"Edward would hate me for it."

I shrugged, "It's not up to him."

"Would you do it?"

"If she asked me, yes." I was surprised at my own ready answer but I knew it was true. I wanted her to be a vampire. To live forever. She was special. A world without her would be somehow less.

"That's it isn't it. Should we ask her? Or is it better to wait until she asks us?"

That I didn't know. "She should be given the choice Carlisle but she's only been back a little while. Maybe we should give her the chance to settle in and heal."

"I'm afraid we'll lose her before we get the chance to change her."

"By her dying or her leaving?"

He looked away, "Both." He sighed and turned back to me. "Bella is my daughter Jasper. I wish I could explain it. I love all of my family but Bella, she's…"

"Special." I repeated.

He nodded, "Yes. Esme feels it too. Bella could be our own. It feels almost like she is."

"How is Esme?"

"The last four years have been hard, the last few months harder. She feels like a failure as a mother. Bella might have told Edward she didn't want us anywhere near her but we could still have watched out for her from a distance. She's our daughter and we left her to the cruelty of the world."

"You thought it was what she wanted." I couldn't bring myself to say it was what she had wanted, not now that the idea had entered my head that maybe it wasn't.

"Teenagers say things they don't mean. They don't always know what they want. We should have gone back. Left her with a way to find us if it was what she wanted."

"You left a trail for her Carlisle."

He felt embarrassed as he looked away, "I didn't think anyone knew about that. I just, I had to know that there was a way, if she ever needed or wanted to, she could find me."

"Esme did it to." I told him. "Even Emmett and Rose made sure they were traceable by her. It was more subtle for them than you and Alice believed she would see if Bella wanted to find her and had a plan set so she could change her if she asked."

"Alice?" He looked surprised.

I nodded, "She wasn't just in Paris. She also bought a home in the Swiss Alps. It's all set up for a new born. Just in case. I asked her once if she still saw Bella as a vampire, if maybe that was why she did it. She shook her head and said it was wishful thinking. That she hoped in building it a vision of Bella would come with the two of them there."

"I'll do better this time. I wont fail her. I'll protect my daughter."

I felt the same way but we did fail her.

Edward came and what he did… he was not family the way Peter and Char or Alice were, not even the way the other Cullen's were. He was more like a spoiled younger cousin. We'd always rubbed each other the wrong way. We had good memories and cared about each other but that day I was ready to burn him.

I could feel the small amount of pain flickering under his jealousy. His rage was barely a flicker on the radar next to my own though.

I was outside with Peter when Char and Bella came home from their drive. They were laughing. Char was always laughing with Bella. My sister was a happy woman but somehow Bella made her light up even more. The more time they spent together, the deeper the bond became and the lighter Char's emotions became. Char had been lonely in a way Pete and I couldn't fill but Bella did. I was at once grateful to her and afraid for my sister. She would miss Bella when we went home.

Char came over to see Peter and Bella went inside. A few minutes later, I felt her pain and overwhelming anguish flowing out of the house. I felt something in me snap and knew my eyes had instantly become pitch as night. Without explanation to Peter and Charlotte, I ran to Bella. I was ready to burn Edward when I saw what he did.

Char was right behind me and pulled Bella into her arms. Alice had come at the same time and was dry sobbing and collecting the torn fragments of photos for Bella. Rosalie came in as well. Her rage fueled mine. All of them were angry but the pain and sadness were almost overwhelming me as well. Rosalie handed the little cloth bootie to Bella who began to cry harder. I watched Peter gently pull her from his mate, lifting her in his arms. Momentarily, I was stunned out of my rage. Peter liked Bella. He loved how happy she made his mate. I was still surprised. He didn't show anyone but Charlotte the kind of compassion and gentleness he did as he cradled Bella to him gently and carried her down the stairs.

He sat with her in his arms, murmuring soothing words while Char rubbed her back. Alice sat in a chair near them, anguish and guilt wracking her tiny form. She felt like she'd failed Bella again by not seeing. I wanted to comfort her but couldn't move past the rage boiling through me. Edward had hurt Bella, again.

Esme and Carlisle came in and Rose explained what had happened, hissing angrily while glaring at Edward. I was incapable of speech still. Bella's sobs filling me with a darkness not even I had known before. I'd never wanted to kill someone more. For sixty years, we'd been family and now the only thing I desired was to watch him burn.

Bella's sobs quieted and I concentrated on her heartbeat to stay relatively calm.

The only thing to really break me out of the haze of hatred and rage was Bella. Her anger at Edward, the way she stood up to him, it filled me with pride. She was special. So fucking special.

I could feel the disappointment and surprisingly the true fury in both Esme and Carlisle. With Bella's exit, Esme was left feeling only depressed emotions, sadness, regret, anguish, loss, guilt, pain. Carlisle on the other hand, his sadness was over shadowed by a rage I had never felt from him. His mate was hurting, his daughter was hurt, not even his first companion to this life could calm that fury. The only thing that stemmed it was his anguish at her leaving. He'd failed her. Again. It was the same thing Alice was feeling. I felt it to. She was suffering again. She was so pure. She didn't deserve to suffer but it seemed all she knew in this life was brief moments of happiness and endless suffering.

My rage was broken with the pain in the house, the pain in me. I let him see the demon but even it wanted only to find Bella, to drop on his knees and beg her forgiveness for not protecting her.

I left with Peter and of course the fucker knew just where we were supposed to be.

"Char?" I asked as we ran.

"Taking Bella to Montana."

"Bella is still with Char?"

"She's coming home." He told me.

"Peter?"

"I don't know Major. I just know, that Bella, she's special."

I had always known that.

"So she's staying with us for a while." I felt a confusing mix of happiness, fear, and contentment at that. I'd find a way to make it all up to her, to make her happy again or at least, to make her not hurt anymore.

We kept running and reached the house late the next night. We cleared out the attic and built a closet, even ordered her furniture. I called Carlisle and Esme and told them Bella was coming with Char and going to be staying with me for a while. Carlisle made me promise to call with updates or if she needed him. Esme made me promise to make sure she ate well. I promised them both I'd take care of her and silently swore I would not fail them, would not fail her, not this time. The next morning we went to town for groceries and when we got back Char and Bella were there.

The time with Char seemed to have helped Bella. The sadness had receded to the background again. Everyday Bella felt better and she and Char grew closer.

Then came the night Bella asked about me. I told her the truth. All of it. I edited only the worst details, she didn't need to know about the way the first child I'd killed screamed, the way even vampires pleaded, not to let them go, but to just let them die. If Maria had needed information, I got it. In battle, I saw thousand-year-old vampires flee from me, sending all of their newborns to attack me, to save their skins while they escaped. Once, near the end of my days as Aries, a vampire who controlled a large section of New Mexico had heard we were coming and up and fled. When we got there he and all his people were gone. They attacked another coven for territory further west. Maria had wanted a fight though and the newborns were starving. She let them loose on the nearest towns. Six thousand people massacred. Maria laughed and I spent the next night culling out the ranks. We had seventeen newborns wake in the next days. No one but Maria could make so many at once without them destroying all of her army. My gift helped to control them. Even so only nine survived the next week. Details like those I left out but only the worst details. Everything else I told her. She held my hand and I felt sorrow from her. No revulsion or anger, not even aversion. She held my hand and I felt her affection and support flow into me. She was sad for me and in the end there was also pride. I was confused and lay there thinking for a long time. I carried her up to her bed after her breathing evened out, she had fallen asleep, lying next to me, a demon.

All night I convinced myself she would hate me in the morning. She would look at me and see only the demon. I would have haunted her nightmares. She didn't. She was hurt I was distant with her. Hurt. She actually wanted to be near me. There was no fear, no judgment, no disgust. After they got back I told Char and Pete I'd told her, they asked me how much and I told them she knew everything. They were surprised and Char was worried. Bella never brought it up to either of them. She didn't react differently to them at all. In fact, I felt her love for all of us continue to grow. She even saw me rip the head off another vampire and felt only worry for me, fear that I was suffering. No fear of me, the one who she'd watch rip the head off another being.

I was amazed by her.

Peter came outside to talk to me that night. "She's special."

"I know." I agreed. I'd always known.

"I'm scared she'll get sick."

"We can bring everything she needs upstairs until the window is fixed."

"Not just now."

"I know."

"Would she consider it?"

"I don't know."

"Char wants her to."

"I know."

"I can't let her die."

"She wont die."

"She might."

"I wont let her."

"If there's an accident."

"I'll change her. We're always with her. We'll change her."

"Then it might be to late or if it's Char, she's never changed someone and I only changed a couple, I killed as many as I changed back then. You have to do it. You have the control."

"I can't force this on her."

"We'll make her happy. We're her family. She'll have a good life with us."

"She has a good life with us now."

"You don't want her?" Char asked coming up to us.

"Of course I do." I sighed turning to my sister, "It has to be her choice."

"I asked her."

I growled at my sister and Pete growled at me.

"She's thinking about it."

"When did you ask her?" Peter asked surprised.

"Yesterday, when I went to tell her he was coming."

"What did she say?" I held my breath.

Charlotte looked away, "She's lost so much Jasper. She hurts so much." Venom coated her eyes, "I can see it in her eyes, its there all the time. The pain, the sadness, the loss. I can't heal her."

"You do Char. You make it better for her. I can feel it."

"I'm scared we'll lose her. She's special Jazz. I don't need Pete's Yoda shit to tell me that."

"I know. I never did either." I looked away from her, at once afraid in a way I never had been before but sure of the right thing as well, "It has to be her choice. I can't steal her death from her, her peace, not if she doesn't want to live forever with us."

"Carlisle stole Rosalie's and she doesn't regret it now."

"Can you do it to her? Risk her hatred and leave her with eternal suffering?"

Charlotte sobbed into Peter. None of us could do that to her, no matter how badly we wanted her, or how much the thought of her not being with us hurt. I wondered, if it were her choice, would I be able to let her die? I was afraid I wouldn't. I'd rather her hate me than not exist. The world would be so much less without her purity and beauty in it.

For years I had known she was special, for months I had known she belonged with my family and that Christmas, I knew I loved her. Peter had known he desired Char, that he cared about her, that she was special but it wasn't until the day came I was set to kill her that he knew she was his mate. Something in him just clicked. He'd known she was special, he'd grown to love her and then he realized that he didn't want to exist without her. I knew Bella was my mate when she called out to distract Peter while we were sparring. As Peter grumbled and Char laughed, I felt nothing but pure joy, peace and love. I felt complete. That was why Bella was special. She completed me. She didn't fear me, she saw the demon within and worried for his suffering. Bella brought peace to his rage and love to his hate. I was more balanced with myself because I had met her. She completed my family. My brother, my sister and my mate. We belonged together. Here like this. Laughing together. This here, this moment, was my heaven. I knew in that moment, I didn't want to exist without her. Without he,r all I would ever do is exist. I could only live, only be happy and whole, with her by my side. She was my world, my life and my mate.

An hour later as though she felt it to, she asked me to change her. The stars had aligned. She was right. The choices we had made led us down difficult paths but the place we were always meant to be, was here in each others arms. The road had been hard and long but we were finally home. We were finally together as fate had always planned.


	13. Chapter 13

**Disclaimer – I do not own Twilight. All recognizable plot and characters belong to the talented Stephanie Meyer.**

**Please review!**

I felt the fire move from my limbs into my heart, burning into it the love I had for the one's I'd lost. Then its delicate, erratic beat stopped. I lay breathing in the taste of the cool air and listening to the sounds around me, wind whistling in trees and the gentlest patter of snow against the roof. I blinked open my eyes and found myself staring up at the beams of wood over my bed, each variation in color on the wood distinct.

I thought about moving slowly, carefully sitting up on the bed, in the door was Char her hands up as though in supplication her body perfectly still. She was even more beautiful than I had been able to comprehend as a human. The windows were open and her hair moved in the wind, it was honey blond and seemed to shimmer with life as it fell straight down her back to her shoulder blades. Her lips were a perfect bow and her eyes, not one shade of brilliant red like I had thought but a dozen different shades of red, lighter at the pupil with a burgundy ring on the outer part of the iris. They were bright and shone with intelligence and love.

I smiled at her, "Char." My voice came out softer than it used to, it was like the gentle note of a song.

"How are you feeling Bella?" She seemed wary.

"Great." I smiled at her. "Never want to do that again though. I feel like my skin should be charred to a crisp. Oddly cathartic experience though."

"Cathartic?" She asked with a frown.

I looked down at my hands; my now creamy white skin seemed to glow like the moon. "I never really mourned them." I admitted, "Any of them. From the moment I lost Charlie, I never really let myself mourn them. I grieved, I cried but I never let myself let go of the pain. The fire, it burned their memories, the love we shared into me even as it cleansed me of the anger and pain. I embraced it. I knew that the hotter it burned the more it cleansed my soul."

She just stood there watching me so I turned my attention back to her. Her skin like mine, glowed like the moonlight, it was something I had never noticed before. I also saw the tiny white scars she had glowed brighter than the rest of her skin, almost like silver against white. I hadn't seen how many she'd had before. I felt rage to Maria and sadness for my sister. I would never let her suffer like that again.

I heard movement outside and went to the window. Two forms stood out in the snow and I crouched, a sound I'd only heard from Jasper ripping from my chest.

"It's only my mate and brother. Do you remember them? Peter and Jasper." She spoke from behind me.

Immediately I felt myself relax, it was not natural but my instincts didn't shout against it, I knew it was only Jasper bringing me peace so I could figure out my to vast mind.

"Thank you Jazz." I whispered and turned back to Char.

"So, anything happen while I was out?"

Char laughed, "Not much Sugar. We were just waiting for you. How do you feel?"

I shrugged, "I told you, I feel great."

She tilted her head frowning, "Thirsty?"

As soon as she asked I noticed the dryness of my throat get worse, it felt like it had been run with sandpaper, I swallowed and the venom coating it stung.

I nodded, "Yes, I think I really am."

"First meal will be Cullen style." She told me, I'm going to take you outside now. Peter and Jasper are there; neither of them will hurt you.

I rolled my eyes at her, "Of course they wont. Can we go now? The feeling is getting worse."

"Sure." I followed her out the attic window and we ran out to the lake, I could taste the snow in the air, it was wonderful, running was exhilarating, colors seemed as though they were brighter and clearer, it was as though I had been wearing really bad prescription glasses all my life and been color blind.

We stopped a few feet from the two men.

I easily recognized Jasper. I could feel the peace and worry floating off of him. "I'm ok Jazz. I promise." I told him, hoping to soothe his anxiety.

The male with him stepped forward and I dropped into a couch, noting the scars littering even the small portions I could see of his skin. His hands lifted and he stepped back. I met his eyes, they were the same intense and beautiful reds of Jasper and Char and they held the same glow of affection, worry and caution.

"This is my mate Peter." Char reminded me but as soon as I met his eyes, I had known him and come out of the crouch.

"Sorry Pete." I turned to look at Jasper. It was then I noticed the scars shining on his visible skin. There were so many more than I had imagined. Without thinking, I had stepped forward. Jasper stood perfectly still as I lifted my hand and ran it over a half moon on his left jaw line and down his neck where the half moons crisscrossed over each other. I felt anger and pain fill me at the ones who had caused this but immediately was washed in the peace and calm flooded into me by Jasper. I stepped into him, hugging his still form.

"Come on and let's find something for you to eat ok Sugar." Char stepped forward and touched my back. I squeezed Jasper one last time, pleased to find he felt just as pliable as me now, well, he was still rock hard with lean muscles but I didn't feel like I was hugging the marble David after it had been in an industrial freezer anymore.

I let him go and turned back to face Charlotte, "Lead the way."

She smiled at me and we ran towards the mountains. I found a herd of Elk by listening to the gentle slosh of blood through veins. I messily took down two trying not to gag. It was awful but the burning, sandpaper feeling in my throat got better.

I examined everything, using each of my new senses and Char helped me to explore my new world not rushing us back to the house at all. We spent hours outside, talking and playing with my strength and speed.

Peter and Jasper were waiting on the porch when we returned.

"What's wrong Jazz?"

He shook his head, "How do you do that?"

I grinned and shrugged back, "Maybe you were projecting."

"No." Charlotte told me, looking at me funny.

"What?" I asked her rolling my eyes, "Like you didn't know something is bothering him. It's in the way he holds himself and in his eyes." I walked up to him and put my hand on his arm, searching his eyes.

"Just concerned about you Darlin, it's nothing. How was your first hunt?"

I wrinkled my nose, "Not very tasty but it helped my throat. What do we do now?"

"Let's work on your strength." Char suggesting, "Starting with a shower."

I looked down at my bloodied clothes and laughed in agreement.

I was amazed at how quickly time passed when I saw the snow melt and the first buds of spring appear. Now that I didn't sleep, I had expected time to move slow but it just sped right along. I learned Spanish from Char, and Peter and Jasper began training me, Jasper said that Southern War or not a vampire should know how to fight. Char and I swam in the lake and they all came with me hunting. The only thing I'd come across I absolutely refused to eat was a pack of wolves. They reminded me too much of the pack, of Paul. All of it tasted bad anyways. Char said there were nuances to the taste of blood that I would notice over time but I thought it tasted the same, rich, filling but off somehow, like it was milk that had been sitting on the counter to long.

Two months in and Jasper took me for my first human hunt. They smelled better than the animals and I felt no remorse killing the rapist Jasper found me. His blood was richer than the animals and a little sweeter. I could see why they preferred it. My control around humans grew every night as Jasper and I spent time in various towns, I couldn't stop myself when I smelled fresh blood but I didn't crave everyone I saw either and Jasper was always there to stop me if I did start to lose control.

It was March before I knew it. Two weeks into the month and I was irritable and distant. Peter thought it was my latent newborn-ness kicking in. I heard him and Jasper talking about how unusually controlled and calm I was for a newborn.

I had to go so I slipped out my window and ran through the mountains until I found an odd outcropping on a cliff face. I lay down looking up at the stars and just stayed there, reliving all of my memories. I was there for two days when Jasper tracked me down. He didn't say anything, just laid down beside me, the peace of his presence comforting me even without his gift.

Night fell and the stars came out, I found the one Peter had named for my daughter and finally spoke. "It happened in March. The third week of the month." I told him.

"I'm sorry Bella."

We laid there in silence as the night passed around us and as the stars began to disappear, I moved, turning to curl into his body. His arm wrapped around me and held me to him as I closed my eyes and pretended to sleep. Behind my eyelids, I could see them, as I had in my dreams, my husband and daughter, dancing.

Jasper didn't move, he didn't speak or pressure me at all, he just lay there with me as the world moved around us. As shadows fell again, I finally stood and Jasper and I silently ran home, hand in hand.

All the rest of the month, when the sun began to set, Jasper would follow me outside and we would lie in the grass by the lake looking up at the stars. We didn't speak much, his presence was peaceful and as I let myself miss not just my daughter but all the people I had lost, I took comfort in being near him. He anchored me to the world, to the future, keeping me from drowning in the pain while still letting me feel it all, letting me talk or be silent as I needed. As the nights passed, I thought less of the people I missed and more about the one beside me. It scared me because I thought I might love him, not as my family and my maker but as I had loved Luc. It was different though. As loving Luc had been different from loving Paul and loving Paul had been different from loving Edward. Jasper was unlike any of them but then I was different as well. Loving each of them had changed me, as losing each of them had changed me to. Love was a gift and even knowing how I would suffer in losing them, I would not change having loved the men I had. So was it worth the possible loss to love Jasper? Could I lose another family? Did he even think about me like that? Maybe these thoughts were premature. Jasper thought of me as a sister and like Charlotte said, as a member of his coven, as one with his venom in my veins, he would feel responsible for me. Perhaps it was all our connection was. But hadn't I felt it before I'd turned? Did he feel anything for me? Could I risk it if he did? Wouldn't loving him be worth future pain? Was the possibility worth risking losing Char? Each night I lay outside beside him, seeking advise from those I lost and taking comfort in the light of my daughter's star. I could never be lost and alone because she, all of them, were always with me. Would Jasper be?


	14. Chapter 14

**Disclaimer – I do not own Twilight. All recognizable plot and characters belong to the talented Stephanie Meyer.**

**Please review!**

More months passed and at my six-month vampire birthday, Jasper decided I was well enough past my newborn stage to travel. He brought up the Cullen's and at that point, I felt ready to face my other family. They were still scattered but agreed to meeting us at one of their homes, this one in New Hampshire. The house was a little outside the small town of Stark and the house was as beautiful as both the other homes I had seen of theirs. It was larger than the other two and I supposed Esme had bought it with the larger family in mind. As I looked at it though I hoped Edward wasn't there. Now that I was here I didn't think I was ready to see him. I wasn't sure I was ready to see any of them.

"We can leave whenever you want Darlin." Jasper came up beside me taking my hand in his, it gave me comfort even without the use of his gift. I leaned a little into him, breathing in the gunpowder, leather and apples scent. Char and Pete came up on our other side and instantly I felt more confident. I had my family. I had Jasper.

We walked up the porch and just before we knocked Alice opened the door. She was ginning at us.

"I'm surprised you were not already waiting when we parked." Jasper laughed as they hugged.

"I saw Bella would need a minute." She told him with a smile before turning to me. "You look stunning. I almost peed myself with excitement when I saw Jazz do it."

I laughed, "Vampires don't pee Alice."

She grinned, "So you know how happy I was then." We hugged tightly. I had missed her. How had I not realized how much I missed her?

She exchanged hellos with Pete and Char before leading us inside, her hand still clutching to mine.

"Bella!" Emmett shouted running over to pull me into a bear hug.

"Emmett." I laughed again and squeezed him as hard as I could.

"Damn Bells, watch that super strength." He laughed spinning me around. "Unbreakable sister." He began to sing. "She's unbreakable! Tougher than granite, stronger than the hulk, faster than a cheetah or a sport car, sparklier than a disco ball, yeah, she's unbreakable, unbreakable now!"

I was laughing uncontrollably as he spun me around the living room.

"Put her down Emmett." Rosalie snapped at him, her smile was as wide as his though, "Welcome to the club sis." She hugged me warmly, "Nothing left to lose, everything to gain, I promise you'll be happier in this life." She whispered in my ear.

I hugged her back, hoping she was right. I didn't regret the decision, not for a second but I still didn't want to be alone for eternity. I would always have my family, both the Cullen and Whitlock ones but I wanted more. Was it selfish of me to want a mate too? I had already had such great love, was my love story meant to be a tragedy? Would I walk eternity while my soul mate already rested in heaven? Would Jasper find a mate and leave me? Was it terrible that I would rather neither of us found a mate and we stayed together? No, I wanted him to be happy. I couldn't wish away his true mate just because I loved him and wanted to keep him for myself.

Esme stepped forward next and pulled me into her arms. "Welcome home baby." When we stepped apart venom coated both our eyes.

Carlisle was the last to step forward and I flowed readily into his open arms. Carlisle and I had been close. He had stitched me up so many times, his quiet wisdom, his warmth and acceptance, his care had always been there for me. He'd recommended books and talked to me about them or history for hours, answering all my questions patiently, telling me stories, giving me advice. "Dad." I hugged him. I missed Charlie, I had loved Charlie and no one could ever take his place but Carlisle filled that role in my life even when he wasn't around, in a way Charlie never had. I always sought out Carlisle's advice, even when he wasn't around, I tried to imagine what he would say, do or think. I hoped he wasn't disappointed in my diet choice.

"Bella." He hugged me back, "Welcome home."

I stepped back and looked in his eyes. I need him now, his council, but first I needed an answer, I was finally ready to ask for. "Why did you leave me?"

He looked surprised and the pain in his eyes projected his feeling to me as fully as Jasper's gift could. "I had to respect your wishes Bella. As much as I wanted otherwise, a much as we all did, if our leaving was what you needed, we loved you enough to do that, to give you your life."

"My wishes? I asked in surprised.

"Edward told us you wanted a clean break." Esme told me sadly, "You didn't want to see us again."

I turned to her with venom in my eyes and rage boiling through my veins. "He told you _**I **_wanted you to leave?" I hissed.

"Bella." Jaspers calm flowed into me; his gift and his presence calming me as he laid a hand gently on my back.

I turned to him, "Did you know?"

He nodded, "I guessed after you returned he might have lied but had no proof until you told me in Montana. I'm sorry Bella. I will rip him apart if you wish it." I knew looking in his eyes he would. I knew he wasn't projecting but I _knew_ that anger was coursing through him, just like I always just _knew_ something was bothering him.

"He took you all away." I let the anguish fill me, "He broke my heart and then _stole_ my family." I sobbed as he pulled me into his comforting embrace, "Why? How could he do that?"

"I don't know." He whispered, "I suppose he thought he was protecting you."

"Protecting me!" The fury flowed through me, burning away the pain. "From what? Laurent? Victoria? Getting hurt? I was nearly institutionalized for catatonia after you left, the depression nearly killed me! If not for Jake it would have! Laurent nearly killed me! Victoria's bitch boy killed Charlie! She killed Paul! Collin died to! Then what! I got my normal life? Luc is dead! My baby is dead! I never even got to hold her! I had to suffer _alone_ because he _stole _my family! He stole everything I ever loved!" I broke down sobbing while Jasper held me. His eyes were black and I could feel the hate, anger and pain rolling through him.

I felt Carlisle's hand on my back. "Bella." His voice was broken. "I would _never_ have left, _never _have considered leaving if I knew." He sighed, "I did not even consider the possibility he could do such a thing. I'm sorry. So very sorry." I heard sobbing around me and turned from Jasper into Carlisle's arms.

"It's not your fault." I told him.

"It's mine."

I spun on Jasper, "Never! It was never your fault!"

He looked at me, his eyes sad and loving, "It was Bella. I knew you were special. I knew how beautiful and good you were. I could feel how pure your emotions were. I should have known you'd never want them to leave. I knew in Phoenix you were worth it. Worth becoming a demon again for. I should have done that. I should have given in to my instincts and hunted down Laurent and Victoria myself. I swore to protect you and I failed you. You lost everything because of me, because I lost control that day, because I ran away instead of finding Victoria and killing her because I was afraid of my own emotions, afraid of why you were so fucking special. It was all my fault. I made him leave you, I didn't protect you, I should have known you'd never want them to leave."

"I never wanted any of you to leave and it was never your fault. I told you Jazz, it was him, he was looking for a way to leave since James. You were his excuse. He stole this family from me. My father, Paul, Collin, it's his fault they are dead. His fault I was alone so long. You told me I was worth it, he gave up, he made feel unworthy." I met his eyes and something in me clicked, it was always Jasper, "You always took care of me, made me feel calm, confident, beautiful, loved. I wouldn't give up having loved just because I lost them. I don't want to change the past Jazz, no matter how much it hurts, but you gave me peace from it. You gave me a family, love, eternity." I stepped towards him, running my hand over his jaw line. "You showed me the way home." Jasper wouldn't find a mate. He already had. I was his mate. I wanted to live forever because even with those waiting for me, I couldn't imagine ever finding peace without him, not even in death. He was my peace, he was my home, it was hard and painful but I had finally made it down the long road home, to my mate, to my Jasper.

"I will never fail you again."

"You never have, you never could." He wrapped his arms around me and I leaned into his solid chest.

"Mates." Alice whispered.

We turned to her and I nodded, before turning back to Jasper, "I love you."

"I love you." He smiled at me, the emotion flowing out of him and into me said it better than words ever could.


	15. Chapter 15

**Disclaimer – I do not own Twilight. All recognizable plot and characters belong to the talented Stephanie Meyer.**

**Please review!**

Char, Pete, Jasper and I bought a house a few miles away from the Cullen one in New Hampshire. All the land between the houses and for a mile around either side belonged to us so it was beautifully secluded.

The next six months of my newborn year went quicker than the first had as I rebuilt my relationship with the Cullen's and my relationship with Jasper continued to grow.

It took a while after that first day for everyone to calm down and Jasper said he still felt anger burning in the background of all their emotions. I worried a little for Edward, he deserved to pay for his mistakes but I'd keep Jasper, all of them from burning him, they'd regret that one day, after all, under the anger, they still loved him. Spoiled and misguided as he was, he was still their family.

Once we'd pulled apart and the family had congratulated us, I pulled Jasper outside. He needed a breather from the intense emotional atmosphere.

"You ok?" He asked as I pulled him into the woods.

I nodded, "Are you? Is it just the excessive feeling fest inside or is something wrong?"

He shook his head, "How do you do that?"

I grinned at him, "I'm your mate."

He laughed and pulled me into his arms, "Yes you are." His mouth captured mine for the first time and it was as though the stars aligned. He deepened the kiss and I moaned into him. He tasted like apples dipped in honey.

I wrapped my arms around him, pushing myself against his hard form. His hands went to my waist and I pushed a little away from him.

His eyes were pitch black. I knew mine were to.

I could see him struggling to gain control of himself. I just smiled at him and pulled his shirt, it tore away and he growled pulling me back into him and kissing me fiercely, he nipped my bottom lip and tore my own shirt from me so we were skin to skin. I rubbed against him like a cat while he continued to kiss me. I moved again, this time to kiss his neck, his shoulder and then down his chest.

"Bella." He groaned, a half growl and half moan.

From my knees I looked up at him, my hands going to the buckle of his belt. "I was thinking of testing this no gag reflex thing, with your permission, Major, sir." His eyes went impossibly blacker as he growled, his hand running through my hair.

I stripped him, kissing down his thighs.

For a second I just stared at him in all his naked glory. Like all vampires his skin glittered in the sun but Jasper was littered with silver scars that glowed like moonlight. Half moons crisscrossed over his torso, his arms, his neck. I licked one that was on his hip, then kissed along the bone down towards where his length strained towards me. I ran my hands up his legs and cupped his balls, playing with them as I swiped my tongue over the head. His hand tightened in my hair, not to guide me or move me, just to hold on to something. I sucked him deep in one and he cursed. I chuckled around him, I felt powerful, beautiful, and confident. I moved on him setting a quick pace and swallowing every time he slipped down the back of my throat. He was growling lowly and cursing so I pulled off him and licked him from base to head, kissing the tip before swirling my tongue around him. He started to beg so I sucked him deep and swallowed one more time causing him to explode down my throat. I sucked him dry and then sat back on my heals. Jasper dropped to his knees and pulled me to him to kiss me deeply. His eyes were still darker than pitch as he smiled at me.

"My turn." He laughed and lifted me to lay me back on the grass of the forest floor.

He began by kissing down my collarbone and then down my sternum, he swirled his tongue in my belly button and ran his hand up my ribs. His lips came back up my stomach and his tongue ghosted across the underside of my left breast, then he kissed my right nipple before moving back to the left to suckle it. He nipped, kissed and sucked until the peak hurt it was so tight. Then he switched to the other though his fingers came up to gently play with aching nipple. He bit the other one and I cried out arching into him as he soothed it with a swipe of his tongue before sucking it into his mouth. My nipples had never felt more sensitive and my already damp panties, from blowing him were now dripping.

"Jas, Jas, Jasper." I moaned, arching into him, trying to find some relief. "Please, Major, please." He growled against my breast and began to kiss down my tummy again. His tongue traced my hip bone to the edge of my jeans and along it to the other hip. He pulled of my jeans slowly kissing down one leg and up the other once he'd reached the sole of my foot. He leaned into me and breathed in at my panties.

"Jasper!" I ached for him. I felt like the world would fall apart if I didn't have him inside me, now. He looked up and quirked an eyebrow. It was so fucking sexy, I just moaned at him. "Please, Major. Please stop teasing me. I need you."

He grinned and with the flick of his hand he tore my panties away.

His mouth was magic. He sucked my clit into his mouth, swirling his tongue over the sensitive nub while slipping two fingers into my drenched pussy. My back arched off the ground as I let out a keening wale. He kept sucking and licking while pumping his fingers, curling them to hit my g-spot. Fuck I thought that was a myth. "JASPER!" I shouted as I came but my body demanded more. He gave it, biting my clit gently I convulsed again, shooting into an orgasm so intense I thought if I were human I'd black out.

"Please Major." I was spent but needed more. I needed him inside me even if I was sure another orgasm like that would kill me.

He moved over me, lifting my right leg up to his hip. His black eyes met mine. "Love you." He told me, leaning down for a kiss as he slid inside of me.

I wrapped my legs around his lean hips. "I love you. So much. I love you, Jasper."

He smiled and I felt his love pour into me as he projected. Quickly the emotion turned to lust. He began to move inside me. His gift fed me emotions of lust and love as his body brought mine pleasure that I had never imagined. We moved together, building each other higher as we moved faster and grinded harder into each other.

"Major, yes, please, god, fuck me harder!" I cried. I'd never heard myself beg so much.

He growled and pounded harder into me, shifting our position to lift my legs higher, resting them in the crook of his arms to give himself leverage. From this angle each thrust pounded against my g-spot. Each time he hit it my breath came out with a little scream. His eyes met mine and his gift exploded, flooding me with more love, lust and euphoria than I'd ever experienced. I clenched around him as I came. He was growling, his body still as he filled me.

We lay panting in the grass, holding each other after.

"Jasper." I sighed into his chest. This moment, this and the one right after he entered me, they were heaven. Perfect peace and perfect bliss.

After a little bit I had to ask, "How long have you known?"

"Christmas. You called to Pete about the fish and I tossed him in the center of the lake. I knew in that moment that I had finally found what I had always been missing, that finally I was whole and my life exacty what I wanted it to be. I knew that the reason you were so special was because you were my world, I don't want to ever have to exist without Bella. As soon as I realized that, I knew you were my mate." He chuckled, "I guess I'm a little obtuse, or was to afraid to face it before. Maybe part of me always knew. I always knew you were special and I knew you were worth becoming that demon I was afraid to be. I should have known in Arizona when I was ready to become Maria's demon to keep you safe."

"I didn't see it before either."

"We do now."

"We'll always be together now."

"Even when you hate me, and trust me over the millennia there will be times you want to light me on fire, we will always work it through, always be together. I will always love you."

I laughed at his words, it was true, there had been so many times I wanted to hit Paul with a baseball bat, times where I had screamed at Luc in frustration but I had loved them through it all. They weren't my forevers, I would always miss them but they weren't Jasper, he was the one I would live or die for. In this case, it was live forever for but only someone who suffered the world knew how difficult that was, how much giving up death could cost. Jasper was worth it. He was my forever so even when we fought, we'd make it through, we were forever, "I love you Jasper Whitlock."

"I love you."

After that day, Jasper and I spent a lot of time in the woods, until finally Char and Peter brought us to the neighbouring farm and told us they'd bought it for our family. Esme had helped Char with the renovation plans and the guys had done the work while they planned the furniture and paint. By the time Jasper and I saw it, it was ready for us to move in. Peter and Char had half the upstairs and Jasper and I had the other half. The attic was a library and the main floor was the living room, game room and a small kitchen no one would ever use.

It was September when Edward came. A full circle since he'd left me in September six years before.

The family was still angry with him. So was I but I also didn't want to change the past. What he did hurt, I hated him for it but it had also given me Paul, Luc and in the end, Jasper.

Carlisle called us when he arrived and asked us to come over for a family meeting.

We ran to the house, Jasper holding my right hand, Char my left and Pete holding her other hand. Inside everyone was already seated at the dining room table.

I walked over and kissed Carlisle's cheek. "Dad." I moved to kiss Esme as well, "Mom."

"Hello dear. How is the house?" Esme smiled at me.

"Wonderful." I beamed at her but looked away, "We might sort of need a new desk in the library though."

"And a new kitchen table." Peter chuckled.

"Yeah well the coffee table was you and so was the dent in Rosalie's Audie!" I shot back.

"Dent in my Audie!" Rosalie screeched.

"It's fine." Peter told her rolling his eyes, "I pushed it back out, its almost not even noticeable, no human would see it."

"Almost not noticeable! I'll not noticeable you, you Neanderthal!"

"I'll buy you a new one." Jasper told her sending calm into the room. "I threw him into it anyways."

"Oh." Rosalie sent him a smile, "It's alright Jazz, I'm sure I can fix it."

"Why don't you get mad at him?" Peter huffed.

Rosalie laughed, "He's my twin." She winked at me. "Besides, he bought it for me originally."

"Shall we sit please." Carlisle brought us back to the issue at hand and I looked over to Edward. HE growled as our eyes met.

"What the hell!" He spun on Carlisle, "Look what he's done to her!"

I hissed at him, "No one has done anything to me."

"He's ruined you! He should never have touched you. You were supposed to stay human!"

"I was supposed to make my own fucking choices Edward and I did. I don't give a flying fuck what you think about the decisions I made for _my_ life."

"He damned your soul!"

"That's bullshit. I never believed it. Besides I'm already in heaven. Jasper is my eternal happiness."

"Even when he and Pete play Halo?" Char asked.

We exchanged a smile, "Just because I want to remove their thumbs once in a while doesn't mean I don't love them."

She laughed, "Just remove them, last week I wanted to burn them."

"What's wrong with Halo?" Emmett demanded.

"Nothing." Char and I shrugged, "It's when they move from the video game to live action fighting and tear apart our clean house playing who's the more bad ass soldier that I get annoyed."

"Who's more bad as? I thought they were playing mine's bigger than yours? I swear they were going to whip them out that last time." We laughed.

Edward growled, "Listen to her mouth! Was that the fucking dog or did he teach you to be vulgar as well as a killer?"

I jumped him. I was a controlled new born and only had four months left but I was still in my new born year and there were only so many buttons he could push.

"That dog was more of a man than you will ever be! And so you know, he fucked me in your field, twice."

Edward growled at me but I was still stronger through being a new born. "As for Jasper, he's taught me plenty, including how to rip off all of your limbs and pull apart every joint. You know it takes longer to heal if my venom gets in the wound? Believe me, you don't want to know the things Peter and Char have taught me. For starters, Peter taught me that if I put a piece of cloth soaked with venom between your healing limbs it will sit there, burning and while the arm fuses together around the venom cloth, you will lose some of your arm function until you remove the cloth, of course then you have to re-rip-off your arm. Jasper worries I'll suddenly freak out about his past so he doesn't like to give me details, my brother doesn't have that problem, he's shared a few secrets from hell with me, just in case I ever need them. Of course I could just let one of them have at you. You can get a taste of what hell really is. It's nothing less than you deserve, after all you cannot imagine the hell you sent me to." I growled at him and slammed his head into Esme's table, breaking the solid oak. "You stole them from me. Told them I didn't want them! That I wanted them to leave! You selfish bastard! How could you do that to me? To them? They trusted you! They believed you!"

"And so fucking easily to!" He hissed, "They only cared about you because I did! Jasper and Rosalie were ready to kill you the minute I exposed us by saving you at school!"

"They protected their family. They have honor and loyalty! What the fuck do you have you spoiled selfish little brat?"

"At least I'm not a murderer! How can you stand to look in the mirror? Better you were dead. I should have drained you, better to have sent you to heaven still pure than to see you damned having fucked a dog, gotten knocked up by some nobody cop whose own parents didn't want him and then see you turned into a monster while fucking a demon!"

I ripped off his arms, venom coating my mouth as I growled at him, "Yes I fucked Paul, every where and every way and then begged him for more. Stop by La Push some time, before the wolves tear you apart I'm sure they'll give you a show from what they dug out of Paul's mind. Hell Seth, Leah and Jared all saw us at it at least once. Luc was my husband, he wasn't a nobody, he was a cop, he protected people just like Charlie did." I slammed his head into the table again, the break continued down the table. I did it again and the table snapped in half. "They are both dead now. Dead because you are a prick!" I laughed bitterly, "No, not a prick, I don't think you even have one you spineless shit. If you do, I doubt you know how to use it. Jasper does. He fucks me daily. Him, his demon and whatever other sides of his personality are in that beautiful man. God of War, Bringer of Death, The Major, Jasper Whitlock, Jasper Cullen-Hale, I love all of him. He can do anything and I will still stand by his side and scream his name when he enters me. He can go back to being a vegetarian or start fully feeding on people, that's his choice, just like its mine. We support each other, trust in each other and always respect each other. I might love it when he dominates me but he never tries to control me. You don't control the people you love. You don't make decisions for them or manipulate them and you don't throw tantrums and hurt them when you don't get your way you fucking child!"

"Bella." Jasper called my name and instantly I went into his arms.

Edward was sobbing. The venom was flowing out of his shoulder sockets. One arm was on the ground next to him, the other in the far corner.

"Jasper?"

"Do you want me to kill him?"

I shook my head, "No. Killing him is revenge not vengeance and it will only hurt the family in the long run. He should live with what he's done."

He nodded, "If you don't calm down I will kill him."

I placed my hand against his cheek, I could feel his turmoil as he fought his demon. I was hurt and angry. He had to fight the part of him that wanted to protect me, to keep me from ever feeling pain. He let me take out my anger but it was consuming him and soon he would snap and simply kill Edward for upsetting me.

I leaned into him, "I'm ok Jasper."

I fed him calm, breathing in his scent and remembering all of the moments where he had brought me perfect peace simply by being beside me. I felt his body relax slightly as the intensity of the rage in him began to fade.

It was still high. The Cullen's were still feeding his own rage but mine was the hardest for him.

I looked back at the sobbing Edward, breathing in Jasper's scent I felt only pity for him now, "Why Edward? Please. Tell me why? What made you so hateful? How could you take the family away from me? How can you blame me for moving on with my life when you demanded I do it? You left me broken and alone on a forest floor. Did you want me to curl up and die?"

"I loved you." He pushed out. His voice contorted with pain, both physical and emotional.

I shook my head, "You wanted to control me, to make me into someone you could love, then when it got hard, you ran away."

"He tried to kill you."

"You all wanted my blood that day. Except Carlisle. He's just special. But you're vampires Edward. I bled. It wasn't his fault, wasn't any of your faults for craving my blood."

"I wanted to kill you. To drain you! I had to protect you from us. I loved you and nearly lost it. It would be so easy for them to. How could I keep putting you in danger? Every time I brought you there I put you in danger."

"They loved me Edward. You hurt all of us by your lies."

"I was protecting you!"

I shook my head, "You should have given me the choice. It was mine to make. My life. It was also theirs. You had no right to separate us, to lie like that."

"You don't understand."

"Understand what Edward? That vampires are dangerous? I understand more than anyone." I lifted my wrist. "I thought love was worth the risk. That this family was worth it. Why wasn't I worth it Edward?"

"I loved you. I love you."

I shook my head, more sad than angry now. "You still need to learn what love is."

"I need to?" His black eyes flashed replacing pain with anger. "As soon as I left you fucked that dog!"

"When you left I was nearly catatonic. Sam found me in the woods and carried me home late that night. For weeks I barely ate or moved. Charlie nearly institutionalized me so I started to try to live for him but for months I was a zombie. I didn't eat or sleep much and when I did I was sick and had nightmares. Finally I found something. A connection. When I was about to do something reckless I heard your voice. I knew I was going crazy but I didn't care. The only thing you left me with so that I knew any of it was real, that it had happened, was the scar on my wrist from James. I found a couple of motor bikes and brought them to Jacob in La Push. We fixed them together and along the way he began to heal me. It wasn't until he phased and Laurent came after me that I learned about the wolves. Paul hated me for loving your family. I guess it's a thin line between love and hate because out of that hate we came to love each other. He did heal me. He brought me back to life, taught me to really live. When he died a part of my soul died. That was your fault. Victoria came for me just like Jasper told you she would. She had Charlie killed and her army killed Collin, he was just a kid, and Paul, she killed the man who brought me to life after you shattered me."

"I only meant to protect you."

"You didn't. You only hurt me. Hurt the whole family. Since then you've been nothing but bitter and spiteful. What you did, destroying my few precious memories like that, it was hateful Edward. It was one of the cruelest things a person could do. You broke me once, wasn't that enough? Did you really want to break me a second time? Break this family a second time?"

He shook his head, "I never."

"No." I cut him off, "You never meant to hurt me back then, you never meant to hurt the family but you did. You still haven't learned." I sighed, sad. "Jasper is my mate. I love him. I hope you come to accept not only what I am now and what choices I made with my life but also that you come to accept and respect who I am. He won't burn you. He wants to. I can feel it. He won't though. He loves this family too much to hurt them like that." I turned to my vampire parents, "We have to go. It's just too much. Come over later if you like but I think its best if there is a little space between our family and Edward for a while."

Carlisle and Esme nodded.

"I'll come to. I don't think it will go well if I stay." Alice looked over at us. "If that's alright, for me to come, or I could drive to the city to shop."

"Always welcome Pixie." Jasper told her. He wasn't able to smile yet. The negative emotions were still clinging to him.

"Come on Alice. Jasper and I broke the dresser in the closet and I have no idea where to put our things."

She laughed, "You two break more furniture than Emmett and Rose."

"Stop buying us such delicate furniture then." I told her sticking out my tongue.

She laughed and took my hand, "Rosalie and Esme will be over later to so we can look for some new stuff. You have that whole rustic cabin style so maybe we can find you some really sold furniture. Rosalie and Emmett need a new bedframe to and Esme a new table."

"Right," I turned to Esme, "Sorry about that. I'll replace it."

She shook her head, "Don't worry about it Bella. I've been regretting the choices I made in this room anyways. I've really come to hate the curtains."

I smiled at her while Alice giggled, "I meant the table in her and Carlisle's room but yeah, this one too."

""Ew! Parent sex!" I laughed teasing them. I knew Carlisle would be blushing if he were human.

Jasper, Alice and I ran back home.

"Jasper?"

"Pete and Char needed to have a word with him."

"Jazz."

"Peter will keep her from burning him." He said with a shrug.

I snorted, "My brother is as likely to burn him as my sister."

"Yeah well, Emmett will stop him. It wont take much to remind him its not what you want."

"It would hurt Carlisle and esme. However made they are, they still love him and I do believe he can change. He can learn from the past, he just has to want to learn to change."

Jasper shrugged, "Maybe in time."

Alice nodded, "He'll always be a spoiled, control freak, but he does learn to be less selfish."

Jasper and I grinned at her, "Never bet against the Pixie." We said in unison.

She looked away.

"Alice." She met my eyes, "I told you. I knew I'd have a happy future. You told me I would. You told me we'd be best friends, that I'd be a vampire and our family would be together. Here I am, facing my happy future with Jasper, with my best friend and our family. It was a long road home and a difficult journey but we all made it. We have our happy future just like you said."

She hugged me, "You're right. I've learned to rely less on my visions but they still do make some difference if they at least gave you hope."

"Hope got me through a lot of dark days Alice." I replied hugging her back.

Alice was right. Over the next couple years the turmoil in the family subsided. Edward and I became friends, not close ones but still, it was a huge step. As she had seen he was still a spoiled brat a lot of the time who always thought he knew what was best but he wasn't as self absorbed and judgmental and when Peter finally gave him back his right pinkie and his left middle finger they grew to politely tolerate each other again. Char still really disliked him but like her mate was distantly polite. Emmett and Peter became great friends, Carlisle and Jasper became confidents, Rose, Esme and Char bonded over classic movies and Alice taught me to like shopping and expand my style to include heals (which I could now walk in) and even a few dresses for when we went out. While I taught her comfort could be meshed with fashion and not all fads were worth trying.

By my ten-year vampire birthday we were living in Northern Scotland, we had bought a 30,000 square foot mansion on a lake. Each of us had our own wing in the house. I used to think the size of the Cullen's homes was excessive but living with vampires you needed the space. We all wanted to live together but we needed privacy which was hard to come by with vampire senses and occasionally our own space so limbs didn't get removed. There were a lot of personalities in one house so space was important.

"Some one is coming." Peter told me coming into the room.

"Who?" I asked smiling at my brother.

He shrugged, "Something important is happening though. A change is coming."

"What kind of change?" Char asked her mate holding he hand out to him so he would go sit beside her.

He shrugged again sitting and pulling her into his lap, "The last time I felt this, we met Bella."

I giggled, "Only Edward and Alice are still single."

"I hope its Alice." Char sighed.

"I'd be happy for either of them."

"You want it to be Alice to." Jasper grinned at me walking into the room as well.

I shrugged grinning back, "Eddie and I are fine now but Alice is…"

"Special?" He winked at me.

I nodded laughing, "Yeah, Alice is special."

"Let's just hope this one comes with less drama." Rosalie sighed coming in as well.

"If she is Eddie's I just hope she's already a vamp. You were fun human Bells but he can't handle that again." Emmett wrapped an arm around Rosalie.

We laughed and began trying to guess what their mates might be like.

Peter though Alice would have a short, burly Scotsman, Emmett said that was more likely Edward's mate.

Char said Edward would likely find a prim and proper british nanny type. Rose thought he'd fall for more of an opposite, a Swedish masseuse maybe.

We were laughing like mad when Alice came to our wing.

"Carlisle and Esme will be home in a few minutes." Alice told us, "They are bringing someone."

"Male or female?" Jasper asked with a wide smile.

"Like that will tell us anything." Peter told him making Emmett laugh.

Alice looked from one to another of us, "Is this about why I see him returning to France with Bella and Jasper in tow?"

"France?" It must be Alice's mate. Maybe that was why she was drawn to Paris.

"Well here we go again." Rose sighed but smiled at Alice. "The peace was nice while it lasted. Just try not to _see_ to much to soon or to little to late."

We all laughed at that.

Alice rolled her eyes, "You've all gone mental today. I see what I see when I see it. What I see is this sexy….er… French vamp coming with Carlisle and Esme so let's go greet them."

"Here we go, everybody grab your mate, it could be a long road home again." Emmett jumped up with Rosalie in his arms.

Peter hiked Char over his shoulder. "Got her!"

I laughed and jumped into Jaspers arms, wrapping my legs around his waist to kiss him. Any journey we took together, long or short, any adventure, good or bad. All I really needed was him. He was home for me and the road to him had been worth it. He was worth everything.


End file.
